You probably thought that making your profile was going to be the most difficult part of online dating - until the first time you saw that person who made your stomach tighten. You know you’ve got to write them… you can’t pass up the chance, but there’s only one shot to make a first impression. So what can you say to make your message really stand out? To give yourself the best chance they’ll write you back? Check out our tips on composing great opening lines for online dating that will help conquer your nerves so you can hurry up and get noticed!

Maybe you just came across their profile and are feeling brave enough to shoot from the hip, or maybe (like many of us!) you’ve saved them to your favorites and have spent more visits to their profile than you’d care to admit pouring over their favorite movies, hobbies, or other unique tidbits that make you think “We’d be such a perfect pair!” Whatever the reason that your cursor continues to hover over their “Message Me button” here’s how to take the next step and write some great opening lines for online dating.

Choosing a Greeting

Good Marketers know the key to attracting someone’s eye is to strike that perfect balance between casual speech and a unique message. Next time you’ve got something to say, start it off with a phrase that will make them smile, such as Hola, Howdy, Yo!, or even Ciao. The initial message is all about establishing interest on both sides, so if you speak another language using a casual greeting in another tongue is a great way to grab their attention!

Gender Considerations

Men are more likely to receive a response from ladies if they are thoughtful of suppressing that instinctual-yet-intimidating instinct to appear manly. Studies show that women interested in meet ups from online dating sites are more receptive to a humble and even vulnerable demeanor. These traits may make women feel less threatened by the stranger they’re talking to online.

Here’s A Few Examples:

1.Instead of bragging about all the sports trophies you’ve won, you could write “Looks like we’re both tennis nuts. What kind of racquet do you have?”

2.Pay attention to your word choice. Men who use the words “sorry,” “apologize,” or “awkward” come across as authentic. Consider adding, “I’m sorry if this comes across as too awkward!” to your message… then have the courage to explain why. Not only will she find your nervousness super-flattering, but everyone appreciates authenticity.

Meanwhile, women should avoid mentioning their negative experiences with previous partners, particularly ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands! This subject does come up a lot, so you need to realize that these negative conversations make your possible love interest wonder why you’d date someone who was such an obvious loser in the first place!

On the family front, if you’re a single mom it may be best to avoid the subject of children in your first message (unless you’re only interested in bee-lining for the altar). After all, he can probably see this information on your profile and it might be a bit too much pressure.

Examples Of What Not To Say:

1.“I love your spiky hair! My ex-boyfriend’s hair was long and scraggly and it grossed me out.”
2.“I just got divorced, so I’m looking to find someone who loves kids and is a good father figure for them.”

Compliment Them

Often times why you’re interested in someone says as much about you, as it does about them. Take advantage of the opportunity to compliment the things that attracted your eye – It’ll make them feel fantastic, and give them a hint as to what you have in common! As a rule of thumb, use specifics to your advantage. Everyone likes to feel good about their unique personality, accomplishments, or interesting possessions.

Examples Of What To Say:

1.“Nice boat. Where did you sail?”
2.“Your hair is such an intriguing shade of red.”
3.“Congratulations on finishing law school! Must be a huge relief.”

Unspecific compliments have the potential to come across as both creepy and generic. If the recipient is dressed conservatively in their photos, starting off with “Hey, sexy,” does a great job of showing that you paid absolutely zero attention to the subtle clues their profile gave off. Instead, if you want to let someone know you think they’re attractive by complementing one or two of their unique physical attributes.

Avoid Topics Such As Politics and Religion

Staying far, far away from religion and politics is one bit of old-school advice that still holds true in modern dating. While it’s true that your political and religious views are something you’ve cultivated throughout a lifetime, unless you’re unable to imagine dating anyone who doesn’t see things in a similar light, it’s probably best to leave these topics off the table initially – And if you really can’t see dating outside your personal beliefs or opinions, be sure to check out some of the many specialized dating sites just for that purpose!

When you follow this advice it doesn’t mean that you need to hide who you are; rather, temporarily put on hold serious topics that take a certain level of trust to discuss avoid super-personal ones Make sure you’re a great fit before you start sharing! Because while it makes sense to look for partner who shares a common belief system, it’s hard to know how the recipient feels discussing this matter with strangers, or what the intricacies of their beliefs are.

Examples Of What Not To Say:

1.“I see that you’re a Democrat! Who did you vote for?”
2.“How long have you been a Libertarian? Have you been to any recent rallies?”
3.“You’re a Christian, right? Do you regularly go to Bible Study?”
4.“I’m messaging you because I see that you’re also an atheist!”

Be Personable

The person you’re messaging has probably received several if not dozens of annoying spam messages from fake accounts. Let them know right off the bat that you’ve gone through their profile and have actually taken an interest in their interests and passions. Since personalizing a message can take a long time it is a sign that you’ve invested and so should they! They’ll definitely appreciate that they’re not one of many – no one likes to feel like they’re being messaged at random.


1.“Wow, I love your paintings, especially the children in the park!”
2.“What’s your dog’s name? How long have you had him?”

Ask Questions

People love to talk about themselves. What’s the best way to get them started? Ask a question! Along with helping you to find out more about them, they’ll feel complimented that you’ve taken a personal interest in them. Plus, it will keep the conversation going.


1.“What got you into knitting?”
2.“Who’s your favorite surfer?”

Be Grammatically Correct

You don’t have to hold a degree in English to write great opening lines for online dating. Still, there are a few rules to keep in mind – First, don’t use net-speak. Words like “u,” “ur,” “2” (instead of “to” or “too”), “thnx,” and other forms of online shorthand will make you look very young and immature (also, who doesn’t like to feel like they’re worth a few extra vowels when you’re trying to make a first impression!)

It helps to brush up your basic grammar skills. Know when to use your vs. you’re, their vs. there vs. they’re, and no vs. know. Making these silly yet common mistakes will make your first email look sloppy. If in doubt, spell checker is your friend!
Third, don’t get carried away with the casual grammar that’s so commonly used on the Internet:
– Don’t use excessive exclamation marks.
– Avoid typing “um” or “uh.”
– Make sure you’re not writing in CAPSLOCK, but always capitalize the first letter of your sentences.

The Anatomy Of Your Message

To wrap up, great opening lines for online dating need to be an equal blend of information about yourself and showing interest in the recipient – All while making it fun for them to read! This means you could write about yourself for ¼ of the message, your reasoning for messaging the recipient for another ¼, and then the final half will be all about them. When writing about yourself, mention hobbies or activities you enjoy and that they have mentioned on their profile – and remember to be positive!

It’s Closing Time

We’ve talked about how to set up a good opening for your message. However, your conclusion is important, too. Don’t come across as pushy by making any demands such as, “Message me back,” “Tell me how your day’s going,” or “Let me know what you think about my profile.”

Signing off like this is aggressive and likely to be a major turn-off. Remember that flirting should be fun and by starting off with demands or expectations, it’ll turn into a chore! Try not to leave any instructions about what the recipient should do no matter how badly you want them to write you back. Remember that it’s they’re choice to respond, and trying to tell them to do so will only sound desperate.

It Ain’t Over Until The Fat Lady Sings

Instead, a friendly “Have a good night!” or “It’s been fun chatting!” leaves things on a light and happy note! Remember to be as polite as possible, even though you want your interaction to turn into something more significant in the future. You wouldn’t walk into an interview assuming you had the job, so treat them with the same respect and you’ll be one message closer to getting to know one another! Great opening lines for online dating pave the way for a fun flirty future together, so get writing!

Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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