So, you’re texting a beautiful girl. You’ve made a great connection with her, and yet your text conversation leaves something to be desired. You want to reignite the conversation, but you’re afraid to sound pushy. You want to add a spark that will catch her attention and pull her in.

But how to build sexual tension with a girl over text you may be asking. Well, it’s not as complicated as you think it is.

What is tension anyways?

Before you can be the texting equivalent of Don Juan, you need to understand a thing or two about tension and the laws of attraction.

Tension can be thought of as a physical or emotional strain. In the case of sexual tension, this strain is created by two things: attraction and inaction!

The girl you’re texting needs to be aware that you find her attractive. Establishing that there is attraction between the two of you—whether that be emotional, physical, or a perfect combination of the two—is the foundation you need to create sexual tension.

Once attraction is established, adding a physical aspect to the relationship is the logical next step. The space between established attraction and a physical relationship is the sweet spot where sexual tension exists.

5 Tips For How To Build Sexual Tension With A Girl Over Text

Building sexual tension relies on teasing and hints, always implying that you’re ready to take things further…but stopping just before you cross that line.

When you ignite sexual tension and learn to keep it burning, your relationship will not only become more exciting for both you and the woman. It will also strengthen your relationship, adding a layer of humor, anticipation, and of course lust that couldn’t have existed otherwise.

In some cases, pulling back rather than escalating a relationship can make you come across as shy, unsure, and even not attracted to the girl you’re talking to. So, the techniques you use to build sexual tension are very important.

Let’s go over the top five tips you can use to build sexual tension with a girl over text and feel confident while doing it too.

Tip #1: Be Her Biggest Fan!

Your text conversations aren’t always going to be dripping with sensuality, and that’s okay! In fact, girls like guys who can easily transition from the hot and heavy Romeo to the sweet and supportive best friend.

When she’s having a good day, cheer her on! On bad days, be a shoulder for her to cry on. When a woman tells you about an accomplishment in her life, whether that be a promotion at work or a cake baked perfectly, she’s really trying to impress you.

She wants you to express your excitement for her, to be proud of her, to tell her you’re happy for her. So don’t hold back!

Some guys shy away from expressing emotion, thinking it emasculates them in the eyes of women. Don’t be like them! Women need to feel your support and emotional investment in them, otherwise you just become one of the dozens of other guys who have tried, and failed, to flirt with her.

Playing on your emotional connection is the first step in building sexual tension with a girl. She needs to feel that you really care about her before she will fully open up her flirty and wild side. Try using one of the following message techniques in your next text conversation.

Quick Support:

Make your first message of the day count by sending her a simple, supportive good morning text like this:

“Good morning gorgeous! Kick butt and take some names today! 😊”

Take your support to the next level by bringing in relevant details from previous conversations. If she mentioned that she has a meeting with her boss, or is planning on spending the day at the beach with some friends, try these:

“Good luck with the meeting today. You’ll be a star!”


“Hope you and your friends have fun at the beach. You deserve a vacation (and a kiss from me 😊)!”

Showing her that you remember details from your previous conversations is an easy way to impress her and make her feel like you really care.

Mid-Convo Support:

You can also easily show your support mid-conversation. Make sure to avoid short responses, or you’ll come across as unfazed. Longer responses come across as more sincere. Take a look at these examples:

Her: “I’ve been feeling so burnt out lately”

You (short response): “That sucks”


You (long response): “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Here’s another example. This time, she’s in a great mood. In this instance, try to match her mood with your response:

Her: “I took my driving test today…I passed!”

You: “Nice job”


You: “I knew you would! I bet you’re a great driver. Can’t wait for our first road trip. Where are we going?”

Not only are longer responses more sincere, but they also open up more opportunities for further conversation—and for flirting.

Tip #2: Show a Genuine Interest in Her

Like letting a girl know that you’re her biggest fan, showing a genuine interest in her life is also part of the foundation of sexual tension. Wishing her a great day is different from asking how her day went—both are essential.

People like talking about themselves. It’s a simple fact of life. Just think about it. When someone comes up to you and asks you about your interests and hobbies, how do you feel?

Conversations are built on good questions—so is attraction! If a girl feels that you genuinely are interested in getting to know everything about her, she’ll find it easier to let her guard down around you. She’ll trust you, rely on you to make her happy, and find you super attractive.

Even if you’ve known this girl for twenty years, there are always new things you can find out about her. Women in long-term relationships still get flattered when their partners ask new questions!

But that’s only half of the equation. If you’re asking her to share things about herself, you need to offer up things about yourself too. Showing vulnerability and openness with a girl shows her that she isn’t just anyone—she’s someone you trust and think highly of.

So, put yourself out there. Tell her embarrassing stories. Ask her about her personal life, her family, her friends. Of course, always respect her boundaries. Be as real as you can with her. She’ll be captivated by your honesty!

Tip #3: Text Her at Night

Once you get the groundwork out of the way with tips #1 and 2, you can take the emotional connection you’ve made with a girl and add a spark to it. One of the easiest ways to do this is to text her at night.

The evenings are a perfect time to text a girl. The hustle and bustle of the day is over. All she has left to do is wind down and relax before heading to bed. Unless she’s hanging out with family or friends, texting her now means you’ll have her full attention.

Start the conversation by asking her about her day. Then, talk about what you’re both doing now—watching a good movie on TV, reading a book, etc. Soon, if you sense that she’s in the mood, start talking about what you wish you guys were doing now—if you catch my drift.

Remember that you don’t need to go straight in with something overly sexual. Start off slow by mentioning something about her soft skin, her scent or how you love playing with her hair. If she seems into the conversation keep going, while keeping it a little mysterious. Sexual tension is all about building anticipation. So, don’t tell her everything you have ever dreamed of doing with her in one text message or one text conversation.

This leads us straight into tip #4.

 #4: Compliment Her

Compliments do two things: 1, they make a girl feel good about herself, and 2, they make a girl feel good about you. The more specific a compliment is, the better.

Take this for example. Which compliment do you think is going to get a better reaction?

“You’re beautiful”


“You have the world’s greatest smile. It’s infectious!”

Compliments fulfill our need to be recognized and accepted. When a compliment comes from a romantic partner, it not only fulfills that emotional need, but implies that the relationship is strong and ready to escalate.

Choose something about her that you love and really think about why you love it. Why do you love her hair? Is it a beautiful color? Does the style compliment her features?

The more questions like this that you can answer, the more detailed, and worthwhile your compliments are going to be.

If you feel like the mood is right, get flirty with your compliments! Here are some flirty compliments you can use to make a girl swoon:

  • “You are the perfect mix of sexy, cute and classy. I can’t wait to get to know you better”
  • “Your spicy personality is sexy”
  • “Your lips are so kissable”
  • “You look beautiful even when you don’t try”
  • “How does a guy like me get to talk to a girl like you?”
  • “I never knew how much fun dating could be until I met you”

You get the idea.

Tip #5: Build Anticipation

If you have a hot date coming up soon, building anticipation beforehand can amplify her emotional and physical excitement.

Simply let her know that you’re excited for your date with a quick “I’m looking forward to it” text. If you want to get a little more flirtatious, hint about all the things you’re looking forward to doing with her. Sending racy messages leading up to a date is a great technique for building anticipation. She’ll be daydreaming about your date night all day long!

Another great way to build anticipation is to keep your plans a secret. Don’t let her know what your date plans are until the day of. Keeping a little mystery will pique her interest and show off your fun side.

Let her try to guess what your plans are, and if she guesses right, give her a prize. When she asks you to tell her what your plans are, say “Sorry, I can’t tell you. But…if you guess correctly, you get a prize ;)”

What’s the prize? I’ll let you use your imagination for this one. Voila! Start using these tips on how to build sexual tension with a girl over text and take your flirty, fun text conversations to the next level!

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Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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