What do you do with relationship compatibility rejects? Nothing? Maybe it’s time to rethink your romantic strategy! Let’s talk emotional pain for a minute. You know, the kind of pain that resonates through your body when you’ve been hurt or disappointed in the game of love?
Maybe you are leaning on an emotional crutch and you don’t even realize it.This, my friend, is an entirely different kind of crutch. An emotional crutch poses as your best friend…yet it keeps you from reaching your potential level of awesomeness.
What’s one of the biggest emotional crutches out there? A little black book full of “fall backs”. They are the runner-ups, the fabulous folks who didn’t pass your relationship compatibility test…yet they didn’t nose-dive into the plate either. They are in the grey zone.
Are They Really Keepers?
Unfortunately, your little security blanket keeps you from ever really being alone, and provides you with a false sense of companionship. Each of the “candidates” probably has one or two really great qualities that you like, such as being extremely funny, interesting, or amazing in bed.
However for some reason they don’t quite make the final cut as potential partners. They are a pleasant distraction, but not the real deal. So, what do you do with them? Keep them around “just in case”.
Unfortunately, keeping these distractions in the running is actually hurting your dating life. While I firmly believe that dating is a numbers game (until you are in a monogamous relationship) these back burner guys and girls who failed your relationship compatibility test are destructive. Why?
1. They eat up your time and energy.
2. Focusing on them is like eating before going out to a restaurant – you’re not hungry to meet anyone new.
3. You “slut out” your emotions – meaning that your feelings are all over the place and at the same time nowhere.
4. In order to protect yourself from having any real feelings for them, you become cold when looking at love and relationships.
5. You end up feeling empty and unfulfilled.
While I’m not saying that you should throw your black book away and never look back, at least understand the potential impact it’s having on your love life. If there are some people on the back burner that have failed the relationship compatibility test in the past, but have the potential to be “the one” if the extenuating circumstances were to change (for example they moved closer to you), then by all means stay in contact. But don’t give them any more energy and attention then they deserve at this particular moment in time.
Instead, start proactively searching for someone who is more in-line with what you want NOW. Someone who you think might check all the boxes of your relationship compatibility test.
Where to start?
1. Go out to new places and meet new people.
2. Do something nice for yourself, like getting a new haircut.
3. Set some personal goals, such as learning a new language or dropping a few pounds.
Relationship Compatibility Test Wrap Up
While it might feel reassuring to have a little black book filled with tokens of past relationships, these people ultimately didn’t make the cut, or you would be with them. Bottom line: they failed the relationship compatibility test. So send them a card at Christmas (you still have time) and focus on going out, having fun and meeting someone new! H