Reaching out to an ex requires finesse. If you want them to reply, then both how, and when you communicate with them is critical. Regardless of the way things were left, it’s important for you to understand that things are not like they were before – And no matter how lonely, nostalgic, or simply friendly you’re feeling, you need to leave that familiarity at the door.
Respecting Their Space: 3 Tips To Keep In Mind
Maybe there’s left over passion, maybe it’s anger, but these factors create a minefield all of the traps poorly-worded texts can spring. Be wary of over-stepping your boundaries by starting off by teasing them, or with an inside joke. A good result depends on you doing your all to make sure that their space doesn’t feel encroached upon.
So even though their phone number may have remained the same, the rules have definitely changed. Before you type, here are 3 tips to keep things friendly when reconnecting with someone from your past:
1. Have a Goal
In a nutshell, know why you’re writing! There are some great reasons to reach out to an ex via text, and there are some really bad ones. Make sure your hearts in the right place! If you’re thinking along the lines of inflicting pain, it may be time to put down your phone and maybe do something else.
Mean spirited text messages are better kept to yourself. Stop focusing on them, and maybe internalize a little of that analysis to better understand why you’d keep someone close when nurturing so many vehement thoughts. If you think they are a player, maybe it’s better to just move on…
What NOT to send:
I want you to know, your best friend always hit on me when you were out of the room.
You’re never going to get into that school.
You’re just as messed up as your parents – And you’re going to end up in a relationship just like theirs.
Goal 1: Resolve A Practical Matter
When attempting to resolve a practical matter, make sure your text is friendly and informative, and not flirty or full of hidden or with any kind of.
Send this:
Hey Eric, Hope you’re well! Do you still have my copy of Think Big? A friend would like to read it.
But don’t send this:
Hey handsome, keeping out of trouble? Do you still have Think Big? I’d do anything to get it back…”
Goal 2: Keeping Them Warm
Did you break up due to a misunderstanding, or circumstances that may have changed? If this is the case, and you feel that the relationship can be salvaged, then why not send them a reminder that you are still around? However before you “put yourself out there” and risk being hurt, do your homework!
Try to find out from mutual friends/social media if they are on the market or not. When you are fairly sure that the answer is yes, still proceed with caution and start out slowly. After all, it might be a shock for them to suddenly see your name pop up in their inbox.
2. Reaching Out To An Ex Via Text Demands Finesse
The Devil is in the details, so edit the text like it’s your job! You need to assume that your message is going to be put under the microscope and searched high and low for hidden meanings. Your ex is going to read into everything you write – and don’t write. Therefore, make sure that you remember the following:
– Start with a friendly opener “Hello + name” sets you off on the right foot
– Give a clear reason for contacting them (avoid – “hey’ what’s up”)
– Proper length – keep it short; the more you write, the more likely you are to mess it up.
– Non – disruptive timing – not at 3am or right before work
– Your name – just in case they have erased you from their list of contacts.
3. Text It, Then Do Something Else
Everyone is entitled to their time to think things through. Additionally, before you hit “send” you have to be able to stomach the fact that your ex may not have wanted to hear from you at all – and might not write you back.
So don’t start sending messages asking “Did you get my text?” or “Why haven’t you answered, don’t you like me anymore?” unless your goal is to come across like a needy psycho (and if that’s the case – there are shortcuts!)
Make sure your original message states exactly what you want it to say before clicking “send” then let the ball stay in their court. It shows more strength and confidence than you’ll ever get from asking for their validation with follow up questions.
Reaching out to an ex via text can be a great first step towards becoming friends again, or maybe giving your relationship a second go. Follow these tips and remember that at the end of the day there are plenty of great people out there who are waiting and hoping to meet someone like you!
