We’ve all thought about doing it – The desire usually strikes in a moment of nostalgia, or worse… loneliness. We’ve struggled with the question of whether or not someone with which we used to be so close would be excited to hear from us. Playing back memories of how things were left, what little tidbits you’ve picked up from friends or social media, and calculating the damage against how much time has gone by.

Reaching out to an ex via text requires finesse. If you want your ex to reply, then both how, and when you communicate with them is critical. Regardless of the way things ended, it’s important for you to understand that things are not the way they were before – And no matter how lonely, nostalgic, or simply friendly you’re feeling, you need to leave that familiarity at the door.

Respecting Their Space: 3 Tips To Keep In Mind

Maybe there’s left over passion, anger or regret. All of these emotions create a minefield of traps that poorly-worded texts can spring. So text with care.

Remember that even though their phone number might be the same, the rules have definitely changed. Before you type, here are 3 tips to keep things friendly when reconnecting with someone from your past:

1. Have a Goal

In a nutshell, know why you’re writing! There are some great reasons to reach out to an ex via text, and there are some really bad ones.Let’s get the bad ones out of the way first. And that is pretty much venting held in anger while you’re under the influence.

What NOT to send:
Your best friend was always all over me when you were out of the room.

You’re never going to get accepted into that school.

You’re just as messed up as your parents.

Make sure your heart is in the right place! If your goal is inflicting pain, it may be time to put down your phone and  do something else.

Mean spirited text messages are bad karma. Period. If you think they are a player, maybe it’s better to just move on…

Goal 1: Resolve A Practical Matter
Getting stuff back, following up on shared responsibilities (such as a joint subscription or project) are all legit reasons to get back in touch. Just make sure your text is friendly and informative, and not flirty or full of innuendos.

Send this:
Hey Eric, Hope you’re well! Do you still have my copy of Think Big? A friend would like to read it.

But don’t send this:
Hey handsome, keeping out of trouble? Do you still have Think Big? I’d do anything to get it back…”

Goal 2: Apologizing

If you feel the need to apologize for your past actions or behavior during the relationship, reaching out to an ex via text to can be a great way to start.

Be sincere and don’t expect anything in return. Best case scenario they accept your apology and you can be friends. Worse case, you showed courage in owning up for your actions.

If you are ready to ask for forgiveness, the best approach is to send a very short text “Hi Lana, I know it’s random, but I wanted to talk. I owe you an apology. When can I call you? Sam”

Goal 3: Getting Back Together
Did you break up due to a misunderstanding, or circumstances that may have changed? Did you both grow or change since you split? If this is the case, and you feel that the relationship can be salvaged, then why not send them a reminder that you are still around? However before you “put yourself out there” and risk being hurt, do your homework!

Try to find out from mutual friends/social media if they are on the market or not. When you are fairly sure that the answer is yes, still proceed with caution and start out slowly. After all, it might be a shock for them to suddenly see your name pop up in their inbox.

Texting might be a good way to break the ice, but eventually you will need to have an open and honest conversation about your intentions and expectations. And if your ex has player tendencies? Thread with are. Knowing how to play a player demands finesse and a certain skill set. If you hastily go about it, it can seriously blow up on you.

2. Reaching Out To An Ex Via Text Demands Finesse

The Devil is in the details, so edit the text like it’s your job! You need to assume that your message is going to be put under the microscope and searched high and low for hidden meanings. Your ex is going to read into everything you write – and don’t write. Therefore, make sure that you remember the following:

– Start with a friendly opener “Hello + name” sets you off on the right foot
– Give a clear reason for contacting them (avoid – “hey’ what’s up”)
– Proper length – keep it short; the more you write, the more likely you are to mess it up.
– Aim for non – disruptive timing – not at 3am or right before work
– Sign with your name – just in case they have erased you from their list of contacts.

3. Text It, Then Do Something Else

Everyone is entitled to their time to think things through. Additionally, before you hit “send” you have to be able to stomach the fact that your ex may not have wanted to hear from you at all – and might not write you back.

So don’t start sending follow up messages asking “Did you get my text?” or “Why haven’t you answered”.

Make sure your original message states exactly what you want it to say before clicking “send” then let it go. It shows more strength and confidence than you’ll ever get from asking for their validation with follow up questions.

Reaching out to an ex via text can be a great first step towards becoming friends again, giving your relationship a second go or simply showing you are mature enough to communicate with them about practical matters as an adult.

Follow these tips and remember that at the end of the day there are plenty of great people out there who are waiting and hoping to meet someone like you!

Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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