The right texts can be powerful weapons of seduction, but sending the wrong texts at the wrong time can be a huge mistake. Most people have faced the frustrating dilemma of knowing that they shouldn’t send a text, but desperately wanting to anyway. It’s torture, plain and simple. Read on for a short rundown on what factors are at play, why you should stay strong, and 20 creative ideas to keep you out of trouble in this tough situation.

Almost everyone has been there before…playing around with the idea of flirting by text with Mr. or Miss bad news. In fact, you’re probably very familiar with the place. Allow me to describe it for you: alone, cell phone in hand, nothing pressing to do.

A typical day, except today you are anxiously waiting for a text from the person who has invaded your thoughts. Or, maybe you were blindsided by a song, memory, or something else that stimulated an urge to rekindle a relationship that you KNOW should stay extinguished.

It’s a rotten feeling. It’s like sitting in a packed emergency room where minutes seem like hours. Your fingers itch to type out a text, even when you realize that the results could be disastrous. The best solution to this problem is to have a plan in place before you find yourself on the verge of causing a texting train wreck.

Mental Toughness Prevents Flirting By Text Disasters

In the my eBook French Seduction Made Easy, I discuss the importance of mental toughness in romantic texting. Why is mental toughness so crucial? Because texting is often a waiting game. It’s a game where if you want your partner to respect and desire you, then you need to show the best that you have to offer. This translates into never coming across as being desperate or needy.

How can you show your tough side while texting? Wait longer than one second before replying to each message that graces your inbox. Never send a long series of messages to someone who doesn’t respond (texting is a 1 for 1 game)

Why is Not Texting So Hard?

Stopping yourself from texting is easier said than done. Regardless of how emotionally stable you are, or the number of friends you have in your corner…the urge to text can be fierce. This itch is tied to to securing a sense of validation – you want to trigger a response from them proving that they miss you, love you, or are thinking of you.

The motive to text a former flame is often related to breaking a bad habit, or pure boredom. When someone exits from your life, it leaves an uncomfortable void. Texting seems like a great way to fill this empty space.

Why You Shouldn’t Text

There are a number of reasons why you shouldn’t text someone, for example:

  • They haven’t replied to your last text, so it’s THEIR turn
  • You only receive late night booty texts from them
  • They are on vacation, or busy with work, and have made it clear they don’t want to be disturbed
  • You’re upset with them, and your sole reason for texting is to vent
  • They aren’t in love with you, but you’re in love with them
  • You did something horrible, and the situation needs time to cool off

And the list goes on….

If your gut feeling tells you not to text, then don’t. It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy to put this piece of advice into practice.

Now that you have decided to hold off texting someone that you know that you shouldn’t, what next? Luckily, there are many productive activities that are not linked to the internet that will keep your fingers off your keypad and your mind occupied while you sweat out the wait.

Not Texting: How to Stay Strong

Texting tips for girls
  • Buy and plant some flowers
  • Make homemade brownies
  • Go to the gym, or get your body moving by participating in your favorite outdoor sports
  • Send text messages to everyone on your contact list EXCEPT “them”
  • Take some nice photos of yourself
  • Write in your journal
  • Do some Internet research on a topic that interests you
  • Watch a Netflix series
  • Discover some new music
  • Check out DuoLingo and learn a few words in your favorite foreign language (for free!). Swedish, anybody?
  • Compile a personal inventory. What are your self-improvement goals? How will you achieve them?
  • Update your resume and professional profiles (such as LinkedIn). While you’re at it, join some professional organizations or groups
  • Clean out your closet (literally) and donate anything you don’t need to your favorite charity
  • Take walk outside
  • Play a musical instrument or try a program like Garage Band
  • Pamper yourself (for ladies: mask, nails, bath, massage) (for guys: new hair cut, massage, new skin products or cologne)
  • Go shopping
  • Vent by writing down what annoys you most about the person you shouldn’t text
  • Sing and dance in your living room to your favorite music
  • Play dress up – mix and match things in your closet that you don’t usually wear

Drunk Texting

Why is hardcore partying not on the list? Good question. I love savoring a few glasses of wine with my friends. However, if I’m feeling anxious and vulnerable (for example, when I’m dying to text someone), then I try not to overindulge in any alcoholic beverages. In my experience, this is when the worst damage can occur.

However, everybody is different. So, if you do decide to go out drinking, at least give your friends a heads up, so that after a few rounds they can keep you from making a huge mistake and drunk texting the one person that you were trying not to text in the first place.

If you are interested in learning more about masterful texting and putting all the odds in your favor every time you press the Send button, then check out my eBook French Seduction Made Easy. This fun, creative program will teach you the art of texting with the French touch. It will show you how to ignite or re-ignite the flame of passion in your relationship.

Best of all, it will keep this flame burning as hot as if you were walking arm in arm on a romantic midnight stroll through the streets of Paris…and will give you the ammo to stop flirting by text at the wrong moment.

Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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    1. Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! 🙂 We’ve all been there before…our finger hovering over the send button. But, sometimes it’s just best to walk away, and do something else. Bisous, Claudia

  1. hi my name is sarah. I’ve been talking to this guy for like two months but are communication is reLly bad because he’s not much of a texter and I feel like he doesn’t wNt to talk cause he’s terrible at texting. It’s so hard to make plans with him but yesterday he asked me to go watch a movie with him but I was busy so I said how about tomorrow and he’s like it’s only for today cause it’s the screening or whatever. Then my sister sends him this text saying “u will msg me again right… Lol I saw ur msg and my heart skipped a beat, I’m like no way” I was so embarrassed she wrote that and he didn’t reply either so I messaged saying hey sorry I didn’t write that it was my sister. He’s like hahah okay. I tried having a normal conversation after asking how the movie was and he hasn’t replied I sent it last night. I don’t know whT to do, I really wanted to see him but I couldn’t and on top of that my sister wrote thAt stupid message, it made me seem stupid and desperate.

    1. Hey Sarah,
      I’m so sorry for the delay, for some reason I just saw your comment now. I know it’s late, but I don’t think your sister’s message is going to ruin your chances with him. If he hasn’t replied yet, I wouldn’t write him any more messages for the moment. I would try and run into him and flirt a little IN PERSON – smile, eye contact, brush up against him and in a teasing way ask him when he’s going to ask you out again…maybe he’s just shy. Send me an email: [email protected] and I’ll give you some cute, flirty messages to send him 🙂

  2. Hey Claudia,

    I have been wanting to snapchat a girl and tell her how I feel about her, but I don’t think I should. I’m not sure how to start the conversation. This girl isn’t a close friend, but I just need some help.

    1. Hey Van,
      I wouldn’t tell her how you feel about her over snapchat. I would just say hi, bring up a common topic (friends, something you both like such as music, movies, etc.) ask her a few questions, and then when you feel like the conversation has a positive feel, ask her to meet up in person.

  3. I`ve been dating a guy for almost a year now he use to be sweet and every time he come back to our home town he texted. But lately i notice he just text me to see him without not knowing that he is around, So i reply him that i`m busy but then he texted me saying we dont have the best coordination, So since the he become cold. I`m not sure if i text him, i dont know what to say and how to start the conversation, I need your help


    1. Hi April,
      Does he also call you? Is he making an effort in your relationship, or is he just looking to hook up? If you feel that he is only texting you when he is in town and wants to hook up then you need to decide if you are OK with that, or if you want to put your energy into another relationship. As far as texting him to start a conversation, I would suggest asking him when he is going to be in town again and then meet him face to face to talk about the situation.
      Bisous x

      1. Hi Claudia we live in the same city but he is travel a lot. He use to text me when he is in the airport wherever he is to let me know that he is coming home,. But lately he stop doing it and he become hot and cold this days. So i dont know what to say or to text him to make him stay. Pls help me

        1. Hi April,
          I wouldn’t send him any more texts for the moment…it doesn’t seem that he is acting like a very nice guy. If you don’t want to meet him at 9pm, then he shouldn’t be rude. Wait for him to text you, and then make sure you decide when and where you want to meet him.

  4. I dont know what to say or what to text to a guy who is mad and irritated when i did not go and meet him when he texted me to meet up at 9 in the evening. I texted him and say sorry but i`m available Thursday. “Hey reply me Im not. Good bye” what does his text mean is this goodbye forever hope not. Im thinking to text him after 5 days since this was happened but i dont know what to text to makes things right i am afraid to be busted. Would you mind to give text that i use to send it to him thanks

  5. Hi Claudia,
    I met this guy online two weeks ago and it’s been perfect. Literally texted each other everyday.Amazing! We finally hung out and it wasn’t awkward or anything. I can say we both had fun and sealed the night with a make out (I feel like I shouldn’t have anyway but I don’t regret it). He keeps checking up on me and we keep talking till two days later when he says Goodnight for the first time ( we always text till dawn or pickup the next day) I reply with a goodnight and it’s been a ghost affair since then. I’m itching to text but I don’t know if that’s okay. I don’t know how he even feels about the whole thing. We just have unspoken vibes. But I feel like we should have talked about what happened that night and all that. Anyway, what do I do? I can’t keep doing this it’s messing with me

    1. Hi Kardia,
      I would wait a few days to see if he texts you, then if he doesn’t (and you are still thinking about him) I would send him a text with a question to get the conversation going again. Then, I would try and take in offline (face to face) quickly so you can try and read his body language and talk about the other night if the opportunity comes up.
      I hope it works out!

    1. Hi Matt,
      Thanks for your comment, I’m happy to hear that you are enjoying the site 🙂 Drop me an email if I can do anything to help.
      Warm regards,

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