Salvaging Your Relationship: How To Get The Love Of Your Life Back
Couples break up every day. However when it was a deep relationship with a special bond, it’s normal to scheme, obsess and dream about being back in your partner’s arms.
However, before you start bombarding them with texts, have a plan. Figuring out how to get the love of your life back requires thinking long and hard about what caused your relationship to deteriorate in the first place. Once you’ve sorted this out, and accepted your role in the demise, start moving forward. Jump back on the pony with our four-step guide.
Step 1: Engage In Self-Reflection
The first step in how to get the love of your life back is to put some distance between yourself and your partner. This will help you to think rationally about what went wrong between the two of you. There are multiple relationship experts that speak about the benefits of the zero contact rule. Give it a try! Once there’s distance – both literally and figuratively – separating you two, you’ll be able to understand what caused the break up. Here are some things to consider:
– Was it a breakdown in communication?
– Did you or your partner’s priorities change?
– Was it a collection of little things that built up to a big thing?
It’s crucial to take the time to go through this self-reflection. You won’t be able to rationally decide if your relationship is worth saving if you cannot pinpoint a reason for the breakup.
What To Text: Nothing.
Step 2: Make Plans To Speak In Person
The best way to initiate a face-to-face meeting with your ex is through texting. Resist the urge to call your ex, because they’ll be caught off-guard. It’s much more polite and less aggressive if you send a text. Remember, they are probably feeling as emotional as you are, so sending a text provides them the necessary time to digest the fact that you are contacting them.
At first, try sending a kind, even-toned message that doesn’t mention anything you were fighting about. Propose a neutral activity such as a walk, coffee or ice-cream. Avoid situations with alcohol, or activities that would make them feel trapped (such as a 5 course dinner).
Message 1: “Hi. I hope you’re well. I’ve been thinking a lot about us. Going to take Roger for a walk at 2, want to join?”
Message 2: “Hello. How are you? I miss not talking to you. Would you be comfortable getting together for a coffee on Tuesday?”
If they respond positively, send a short message confirming the location and time. Be positive but don’t go overboard, the fat lady hasn’t started signing yet…
However, if they respond negatively, send a short message letting them know that you respect their decision and that you are there whenever they are ready:
Message: “Thank you for being honest, I totally understand. Let me know when you are ready to meet. Take care.”
The important thing is to be respectful no matter how they respond. Appearing calm and rational will increase your chances of getting back together.
Step 3: Plan What You’re Going To Say, Then LISTEN
Preparation is the key to success and how to get the love of your life back for good! If you don’t rehearse what you plan on saying, then your emotions may send you ranting about the last thing the two of you fought about. Take a quiet moment before your meeting to write out the major points you would like to bring up.
When they finally arrive, begin by thanking them for agreeing to meet you. This will set a positive tone for your meeting, and help them relax. Then listen. It is important to be an active listener and ask questions. It’s quite possible that they will already address the same items you wrote down on your list, however if they have finished speaking and there are still issues you would like to discuss, make sure that you bring them up.
After you’ve met up, be sure to show your appreciation. Text a short thank you after your chat and bring up something specific they mentioned during your meeting. This also gives them a feeling of empowerment: since you sent the last message, the ball in now in their court.
Message 1: “I’m so glad we spoke today. Now I understand why [something you spoke about] is so important to you.”
Message 2: “It really felt good to see you, hear you, and understand you. I hope we can continue moving in this direction…”
Step 4: Wait With Confidence
Patience shows your ex that you are rational and calm, and that what you’re saying isn’t the result of desperation and loneliness. So be prepared to wait. It’s possible that he or she needs time to think about everything you’ve just said. But don’t worry – it’s worth the wait! Opening up a line of communication is one of the keys in how to get the love of your life back.
Confidence means giving your ex the space thy need to think.
What To Text: Nothing.
This is probably the hardest part of all. It’s likely that you have thousands of unsaid words and feelings that you never had the opportunity to voice during your meeting. However, resist the temptation to bombard your ex with 10,000 follow up texts. After sending your thank you message, give them time to digest everything you spoke about together.
How to get the love of your life back boils down to reflection, preparation, listening, asking questions and being patient. Follow these 4 steps and you will be well on your way to rekindling your relationship, or moving on to the next big thing.