What is your definition of a player? Many people think of players as men who are only interested in sexual conquests, but there are other types of players as well. Some women, for instance, are players who target men with money, and attempt to score as many gifts as possible in return for their feigned affection. Players can be young or old…manipulation knows no age. So, what can you do? read on for tips.

Before I dive into this subject, I’d like to make something clear: this article is not focused on turning you into a player. However, it’s important to understand how players function. Grasping some basic principles will help you protect yourself (and yes, even play them a little if your heart desires), as you embark on a fun adventure in texting.

So, What Exactly Is A Player?

A player is a professional dater. They are called ‘players’ because they view the dating game as just that: a game. And just like a game, dating has winners and losers. Players play to win.

To win the dating game, players will attempt to obtain your affection while not giving you any (or very little) genuine affection of their own. Unlike a typical sport, the rules of dating are vague, and players do not adhere to any code of ethics. All is fair, as they say.

A player typically dates many people at the same time. Dating for a player means different things. It might mean dumping their date after they get what they want, and then quickly moving on, or it could be stringing someone along for an extended period of time. It all depends on how much fun they’re having.

Player Detection – What To Look For

If you want to learn how to play a player, you first have to be able to identify “what is a player?” So, where do you start? Luckily, there are some “player markers” that can help you distinguish them from your typical date. These may seem like common sense, but when you’re actively engaged with a player, it’s easy to lose sight of reason…

Players come in all shapes and sizes, sexes and ages.

First Impressions Are Usually Strong

A player will often be very easy to talk to, even if you’ve just met. However, they might seem frequently distracted or uninterested during your conversation. They might even have the audacity to text someone else while they’re out on a date with you!

Most players are crafty and will approach you first, or create an opening to strike up a conversation.

Ask yourself: Where did this person come from? Did you approach them, or did they approach you? If you want to master how to play a player then you must always examine the circumstances in which you met, and look for anything that might seem out of the ordinary. Was your meeting truly coincidental, or could they have planned it out beforehand?

Are They Always Overbooked?

Many times, players have more than your “accidental meeting” planned out. Often, a player will have a full schedule of dates in any given week. So, for example, if they are only free for dinner on Tuesday evenings, but never on Friday or Saturday nights, it could be a sign that they are dating other people.

Ask yourself: Do you have a lot of scheduling conflicts when setting up dates?

What’s The Link With Texting?

Players love texting. It provides them with the perfect virtual playground to thoroughly mess with their victims’ emotions. Players are very tricky by nature, and they can be difficult to spot because they come in all shapes and sizes.

Read on for one additional red flag that can help you spot a player before you become too emotionally invested, as well as some tricks and ideas that you can use if you choose to go up against them “text for tat.”

Circle Of Friends

There are some other dead giveaways that point to a player. For example, if, within a reasonable amount of time, you’ve not been introduced to their friends or family, and they show no interest in meeting your entourage, or spending any special occasions together, then you just might have a player on your hands.

Ask yourself: Have I met any of their friends? Do they want to meet any of mine? What are they doing for New Year’s? Am I invited?

While having a few of these characteristics doesn’t prove that someone is a player, be aware of any mounting evidence. Keep track of any odd behavior from your date. Don’t always look for excuses.

So, what’s the next step?

How To Play A Player By Turning The Tables

By now, you should be starting to figure out if you are dealing with a player or not. So, if you do indeed have a player in your life, what should you do?

As players are typically dating multiple people, text messaging is often their primary mode of communication. Why? Because they can leverage messages and send them to multiple partners, even while out on a date with you.

As we discussed at the beginning of the article, a player’s goal is to keep you at arm’s length. This means that they will usually refrain from texting you too often. They will just text you enough to keep you interested.

Keep in mind, it’s all a game to them. A game that they want to win, which means you have to lose.

An Eye For An Eye And A Text For A Text

To combat this technique, don’t text them very often either. Try to match them 1 for 1. If the temptation to text more often is hard to resist, text other people instead. It doesn’t matter who you text, as long as it is not the player. Text your friends. Text your parents. Text someone you haven’t ever texted before. Just don’t text the player until the player texts you. Don’t waste your time wondering why isnt he texting me, because you already know the answer: he is a player.

Me, Interested? Yeah Right

Act aloof. Don’t let them know that you are actually really interested in them. You should try to keep them guessing. If you do go on a date with the player, keep up the uninterested act. Make the player do all the talking and only politely respond to what they say.

If the player stops talking and there is an awkward silence, take your phone out and text someone. This is the player’s signature move. Beat them at their own game.

When they ask who you’re texting, say it’s someone non-threatening, like your mom, or your sister. Maybe it’s true, or maybe it’s not. It doesn’t matter. The player will automatically assume that you’re texting a rival player.

The Fun Starts Now

If you’ve been matching the player’s texting rhythm and keeping your cool, then there’s a good chance that you are still in “the game.” Now it’s time to start texting like a player and actually turn the tables on them, making them chase after you. Transform yourself into a powerful texter by understanding exactly what makes players tick and what their weaknesses are. Then, take a minute to decide if they are actually worth your time after all.

Keeping It Real

When you text a player, keep your messages brief and to the point. Don’t ask questions and don’t act interested. Act like you are only texting them back out of boredom. A player will try to lure you in by teasing you and making you feel like they are not interested. Don’t fall for it! You will only grab their attention when you make them feel as if they have a chance of losing the game, so go ahead and tease them back.

If they make a negative statement about you, make a negative statement about them in return, such as:
Player: “Well it’s too bad you’re too stuck up to go out with me.”
You: “It’s called ‘discretion,’ honey.”

Or …
Player: “You couldn’t handle me anyway.”
You: “Yeah, I couldn’t handle watching you cling to me like a little lost puppy dog all night long.”

Better Than A Double Whopper With Cheese?

The player thrives on food for the ego. Don’t feed their ego! Your goal is to knock them down a peg. Let them know that they are not too good for you. In fact, they are probably not good enough for you. Your confident attitude will bring the player down to your level and ensure that they will remain interested in you, long after you lose interest in them.

Proceed With Extreme Caution

Even if you think that you are in control of your emotions, be extremely careful when dealing with a player, as it is easy to lose yourself in the game and actually fall for them. Always keep in mind that the normal dating rules do not exist for them. They will say, text, promise, and do anything to get what they want. Dating a player can be a lot of fun – that is, until they become bored with you, and decide to move on. The key to how to play a player is to beat them to the punch, and make sure that you have already moved on and found yourself someone truly special before the player gets a chance to break your heart.

Masterful texting is a powerful weapon in the game of seduction. When dealing with players, it can prevent heartbreak. But the powers of texting reach even further than how to play a player without getting hurt. When you’re reaching out to someone who is actually worth your time, sending mesmerizing text messages can cement desire and keep that special person wanting you. I can show you how. Happy texting!

Ready To Amp Up The Desire?

Isn’t is about time to master this modern day weapon of seduction? Are you ready to start texting passionate, fun and playful messages to your current partner or conquer the heart of your dream partner?

Get your three month Texting Club Membership with over 2,000 Text Messages.

Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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  1. I was wondering,, if i could get revenge with someone who fooled me online…is it possible??

    I had met this guy a year ago and we build a relationship full of lies as i know it recently..i was inlove with him before and even few weeks ago untill i’ve realized how rediculous it is..

    I had known its not just me whom his fooling..and i’ve seen it with my own eyes (like reading his message to a couple of girls but he doesn’t know that) and i feel pity of him too cause i know some girls feel like they are the only one as what i’ve felt before..and i’ve seen too that some are asking him for money(im not sure if she’s just using my ex too cause i know that he knows what he’s is been doing simply causr i’ve talk to her 3months ago when i found out my is has been fooling me.. i want to play him like his playing others and im determined to beat him. Yet,, i dont know how to start… can you give me some suggestions?

    1. Hey there,
      I’m really sorry to hear what happened, I have been played before and it sucks! 🙁 As I wrote in the article, the best way to deal with a player is to either ignore them, or move on. In your case I would move on. I think you are only going to end up wasting your time on this guy. He has already taken enough of your love and energy. Use that energy to find an AMAZING man who deserves a wonderful person like you. It’s nice to think about the other women, but if you decide to go the “revenge route” you are only going to hurt yourself…

      1. Maybe,, you are right..indeed. but i just can’t stay put and watch those girls believe…in fact,, i could get him looked like a laughingstock to everyone or might get him dismissed from his work..simply cause i have evidences that might ruin his life….yet,, i dont want to be that person right now..as i hope i dont want to be pushed somehow..yet, im already giving warnings to some girls he’s been fooling. Its up to them if they’ll remain in a fake relationship…i only hope im still doing the right thing. As i’ved said i can’t sit and watch..

        Anyway,, i am extending my thanks of gratitude of your reply. I found wisdom from it really😊😊

    2. Hi ive known a guy for a few years through friends, we weren’t real close but any time together we had good connections. He moved away and now hes moved back. Last week he texted me that hes always thought i was really amazing and he wanted to get to know me better. I kept blowing him off because i was scared and i just didnt have the time. He was so persistant to spend time with me that i gave in. He would do sweet things for me like every chance he had, he talked to me about his life and asked me about mine. We hung out almost everynight after work no sex. We were always hanging out with his friends he kept telling me tonight we’ll go somewhere just me and you but it never happened. The last time i saw him i felt shy, withdrawn, quiet,i know he and friends could see my anxiety. I felt like i was being lame and boring. I finally asked him if we could just go back to his house alone so i could sleep it was late and i had to work the next day. We laid in bed and talked a while, till we finally had sex 2 nights ago. After that he only texts me after i text him first and it takes him all day to reply, and he sounds uninterested in me now. I havent seen him since and i stopped texting him today. Do you think by me acting anxious that night made him change his mind? Im always out spoken so it was a rare moment hes never seen in me. Or do you think he just played me like a womanizer?

      1. Hi Una,
        I wouldn’t send him any more messages for the moment…wait for him to respond. You are right, either he is a player, or he is insecure. You can test that by waiting one week. If in one week you don’t hear from him, send him a message asking how he is doing and telling him that you had a good time with him (be specific..”I love your smell, or your the taste of your lips, etc.”. If he doesn’t respond he’s a player. If he does, he was just insecure and waiting for you to talk about what happened.
        Let me know if I can help.

  2. And by the way,, i forgot to tell you that the guy im talking about is a french.. and it rediculous to know that site speak from themself…😤😤😤 but anyway thanks for your time to reply.

  3. Player love me but he don’t know that I know he is a good player and he always wins girl I want to teach him a lesson and always win him back to regret

    1. Hey there,
      I’m sorry you ran into a player…follow some of the tips in the article if you want to play around with him a bit. BUT…make sure that you don’t fall in love with him and end up getting hurt. Revenge isn’t worth your sanity. Good luck! Let me know if you need anything.

  4. So, this guy asked for my number and we exchanged messages for about two months. He seemed polite and always seemed to know what to say, however I perceived him as the player type. In my past I had dated a player for quite some type and people believe he fell for me. I felt like I was constantly babysitting in that relationship and realized he wasn’t bettering me and I ended it. As this mew guy started messaging me his messages reminded me of my ex. It didnt take him long to start telling me I was different and not like the rest of the girls. He bluntly asked me one day when we hung out if I was serious about him because he liked it when people are straight up with them. I said I needed time to think about it. He asked me the next day if I thought about and explained what I meant to him. I obviously needed more time but I told him what I thought of him. I noticed a drift in him and on a saturday morning he texted me and told me he did something bad. I asked what did you do thinking for sure he cheated on me. He told me smoked weed and he hadnt done it over a year and how upset he was. I told him that I didnt understand why he did it but that I would support him and be here for him. I wrote him a long paragragh. He responded with thank you so much and it wont happen again I promise. I didnt respond because really he should be promising himself not me and I was upset and dissapointed. Its been five days and he hasnt messaged me. Should I have responded back to him and been like I believe you? Should I text back? Im really hurting I miss him and I dont know what to do.

    1. Hey Layla,
      I think that your response was good. You showed support, yet you were not approving his bad behavior. He probably needs some time to work things out on his own. So, I would leave him alone for another few days, then just send him a short message (no long paragraphs) mid next week that you are thinking of him and you are there if he needs anything. Let ME know if you need anything.
      Sending tons of positive energy your way.

  5. I’m still feeling angry about the damage my ex has caused to me mentally . He was a player and treated me terribly, I just can’t move on from it without having this lasting and constant hate towards him. I see my ex at college, so it’s a lot harder to move on , if u get what I mean ? How can I move on and stop feeling angry ?

    1. Hi Katie,
      I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself – do whatever makes you happy (work out, shop, see friends, etc). And also realize that you dodged a major bullet. Sure it really sucks right now. BUT it would be much worse if you ended up being with him in the long run…because once a player, almost always a player. He would probably lie to you, disrepect you and be an all around selfish Ahole. So, you can be angry. But, also be happy.

  6. I met dis guy on fbk,he showed interest in me,I invited him for a Sunday service, he honored it,we were meant to go out dat Sunday,but he came up wit d excuse of having an age grade meeting,rescheduled our date for Monday,night came & morning came,Monday morning,I inquired,he said he went to work,he’d come back late,wen I asked abt out date,he told me his siblings are coming bk from d states wit dia wives,& dat dey are staying @ his place dat day,so we wud lodge in a hotel but I refused & went further to inquire y he dint tell me b4 now,can u believe it dat he got angry,dat am insulting his person by tinking he’s lying,just den he blocked me on fbk & messenger, WhatsApp,rejected my calls till last night,he started chatting me again,saying how much he loves me,he wants to make me his wife.He asked den a rescheduled a date wit me for today,by 11am,later asked me if I do mobile Internet banking (my dear,I tot he wanted to send me money cus he was always saying “what will I do to make u happy,wot do u need to buy, I’d give u d money) so as regards to Dis,I said yes,hhhhm he asked me to pls transfer money (10k) to his mom dat night,dat he will give it to me wen he comes to pick me (as per garbage),den I inquired y he cudnt do it himself, he said he’s on field work (he dint tell me prior ooo),so I told him y not went u get to town,u send her d money,he said it will be late,dats his flight will take off at 12pm(remember we booked a date for 11am),he has been calling me to send d money,dat d mom nids it urgently, mind u,dis guy in question, i’v seen him once,i’v not even been to his place for once,wot if after giving him my hard earned money & dats it,just like he blocked me on social network, pls I nid ur candid advice tnx.

    1. Hey there,
      I’m sorry to hear about your drama, this guy sounds like trouble 🙁 I would stop communicating with him, block him on social media and move on. Anytime a guy asks you for money, tries to pressure you into going to a hotel with him, and constantly flakes = bad news.
      Stay strong and free yourself up for love – there are tons of wonderful guys out there that are looking for a real relationship.

  7. Hi. I just met this player. He is from my workplace, but we are never friends. He never says hi or hello. Den one day, when I changed my fb picture into something sexy, he added me, and then wants to meet. I said ‘no’. Lately his messaging me, asking for my number, wanting to eat together or watch a movie. I agreed on watching the movie. We are going to watch later, how can I toy with this guy? I can feel his not sincere. But I definitely think his hot, and I haven’t dated that much guys. I just want to know how it would feel going out with him. Help.

    1. Hey Pixie,
      I would suggest that you keep him wanting you (don’t get physical with him too fast – make him wait for a kiss) and keep your options open (accept dates with other guys). As soon as you get too attached to him you risk getting hurt…so only proceed if you think you can control your feelings.
      Good luck!

  8. Hey, so this player and I went to school together and he used to talk to me well now after I saw him at a parade he was really friendly. Honestly I wasn’t expecting to see him. Well several days ago he messaged me saying he wants to hangout and he hasn’t stopped messaging me since. My friends tell me he is talking to another girl and I kinda want to give tne taste of his own medicine. Help.

    1. Hey Ash,
      If you think you can control your emotions, then have fun texting him (but always remember that he’s a player). Just be exactly as he is – fun, flirty and a little distant at times. Whatever you do, don’t fall for him!

  9. Hey Claudia, I’ve been friends with this girl for 2 years, in the beginning we liked each other but life kept us from being together. We both aknowleged that and went our separate ways but always managed to keep the friendship on good terms. Sometimes we wouldn’t talk for a couple of months but when we would it was like we were never separated. About this time last year I had moved from AZ to TX for about 6 months for work. Long story short, we had started talking again halfway through my stay and then stopped. During that period of time when we wernt talking I met this other girl. We talked for about 2 months and she ended up hurting me when I moved back to AZ. After that I got a hold of the first girl for moral support and she was there for me. I started texting her everyday and then out of nowhere she stopped replying. I thought she wasn’t intrested so I went and hung out with a friend and he ended up introducing me to this girl and we really hit it off. We started hanging out alot and had fun. Well 4 days goes by and out of nowhere she finally replies to me saying “hey I hope you had a good week” and seeing that made my heart drop.. A couple days go by and this girl I just met screws me over. So like an idiot I go to her and tell her how I got screwed over. She was there for me but she acted different this time. She wasn’t as helping, which makes me think she liked me and I hurt her. 2 weeks went by after that and I had to tell her my feeling for her. When I did she didn’t believe me cause of the 2 girls, and I understand that so I told her I’m just gonna prove it to her and that time will prevail. So I started doing all I could, I even got to go and visit her at her dorm and when I did the vibe was so real, her body language screamed attraction towards me. It was almost like she was trying to hold her self back.. A couple weeks went by and I told her that I was really in love with her and ever since she won’t deny that she likes me nor will she agree that she doesn’t. Every time I tell her some more of my feelings or write her a poem or song she tells me either that “I’m not in love with her I’m in love with the idea of being in love with her” or “I’m speechless, I don’t know what to say”
    I know alot could be going on with This. I just want to turn this thing around. I love this person so much it’s sounds cliche but I really do love this person with all my heart. Please help me if you can.

    1. Hi Chance,
      I think you should take a step back and tell her “Whatever it is no one can know, and no one can tell. I only know one thing, I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I just hope that you want to live this thing through with me and see where we can end up.”
      I really hope it works out for you and I wish you a lot of happiness.

  10. Hi there, I actually just end up a relationship about 3 weeks ago. the relationship is full of lies. he told me that he is single in front all of my friends, and he also Told me that he treat the relationship seriously. He was so genuine, so kind, patient, But after a few months i feel something strange, and he told me that he is already have a fiance he dated for 7/8 years, and he said that the relationship between him and his fiancé didnt work. That time I was already being with him and i was so naive believe everything he said. He also asking for a chance from me. and after a few months, which is just 3 weeks ago, he told me that he actually already married with his fiance but he is on the way to divorce. I am so angry And hurted. He also texting with other girls and claimed that he is single when he is with me. Im thinking to tell his wife what he does behind her back. What do you think with calling or emailing his wife with all of the evidence?

    1. Dear Hurted Woman,
      I’m so sorry to hear that you went through such an ordeal 🙁 It sounds like this guy is a real jerk! I would definitely not lose any more time with him and his lies. The decision to tell his wife is up to you, but if they are already on their way to getting a divorce I’m not sure how much good it will bring…it might only keep the wounds fresh and make you lose more time and energy. I would just block this guy and keep him out of my life forever.
      Don’t let this experience taint your vision of love and men. There are some great, honest guys out there.
      Stay strong.
      xx Claudia

  11. I was played by a married man at work and got emotionally involved to the point of obsession. Sleepless nights, not eating, etc. I have since been able to distance from him and get a hold of my emotions.

    This man never told me he was married and pulled out all the stops that a single guy would do if interested in dating. I fell for it because I was vulnerable.

    This happened to me once before and again I was played. However, now I feel a great deal of vindication. I developed a master plan to lure the guy at my office with messages, compliments, smiles so that he got attached. At that point I started to do a slow fade on him. He would then rush to my desk asking if I was okay since I wasn’t texting or calling him. I told him I was just going through “stuff”.

    The slow fade went on for a month and then I just ghosted, never to text or talk again. I have moved to the other side of my office at work.

    I feel normal again. I would always come to work upset the entire day and withdraw from co-workers.

    For all those ladies out there, if you can distance from the guy, give him a taste of his own medicine before bolting. This guy has no idea what happened and never will…

    1. Dear Sherry,
      I am so sorry to hear that you ran into a few jerks! I’m glad that you were able to give the second guy a taste of his own medicine, and move on. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it can help other ladies out there in similar situations (I’ve personally been there before, and it’s a nightmare!). I hope you meet someone wonderful soon, you deserve it!
      Sending tons of positive energy your way.

  12. So,i started texting with this guy from my collage(he finished it las year and he went back home,but he is coming here once or twice per monthe)we had this normal conversation and i thought wow this one is normal. And then he started talking about my lips how he wants to try them and anyway i,dumbass fall for it. So i get it now he is a player but how to “turn a table” and change it before we go out on first date?

    1. Hey there,
      I would just ignore his comments if they make you feel uncomfortable, or you could call him out on it by texting something like “hey, you have to earn these lips buddy”. Don’t let him drag you into a sexual conversation if you feel uncomfortable. Also, if you do decide to go out with him, make sure that you are in a public place where you feel safe, and you can leave if he starts getting too aggressive.
      Good luck!

      1. And one more thing.. i was thinking to tell him that maybe we shouldn’t waste time on each other because we clearly don’t want the same things.he just wants to have fun and i want a relationship. So should i tell him that or wait untill we go out on a date?
        And thanks btw 🙂

        1. Hi Sonja,
          It really depends on what your gut is telling you. Is your gut telling you that he just talking big to seem cool and protect himself from getting hurt (but really a good guy on the inside looking for love). Or is he a jerk, just looking for quick fun? If you think he is worth spending your time with, then go for it. If not, send him a text telling him you are not interested, because going out on a date would be a waste of time. In any case, don’t let him talk you into something you are not comfortable with.
          Good luck!

  13. Hey Claudia!

    So there is this guy in my school who started flirting with me two weeks ago. He was kind of charming and I developed a crush on him. But I got over pretty quick as I never see him. He is in a different grade and we are never free at the same time and live too far away. However, we text everyday, probably because we are both bored. He compliments me and I flirt back but recently I found out that he is not a good guy and has a player reputation. He actually said something like “Oh, so she’s legal” to my friend back when we first talked.
    If he has indeed hurt other girls and I am a target then how do I handle this without it getting out ?

    1. Hi Bess,
      From what you’ve said, it sounds like this guy is trouble. He seems to be only after one thing, lives far away and is not available. I would stop texting him…you are just wasting time that you could be using getting to know someone who is classy and cool.
      Let me know if I can help.

  14. Hello Claudia,

    I have been with this guy for 2 months. I know he is a nice player since we first talked.
    He is an energetic artist who always acts stupid and confident about himself. But from what I talked to him, he was a vulnerable and emotional person, under lots of stress and paranoia, used to throw stuff when angry. I assumed he was madly in love with someone in the past but it seemed to be a toxic relationship (he never told me, i just assumed). He said he passed the stage of dealing with emo girl. Now, he and I are just in a super light and casual relationship, nothing committed. I am a fun and youthful person in nature. Sometimes I am fun and light-hearted, I feel him attracted to me right away. Sometimes I fell for him too much, I ended up being vulnerable and overthinking and be less attractive to him. He seems uninterested to me after I told him I liked him more than a friend. Now he sometimes texts me first but not lots of interests like before. What should I do to trigger his interests? Now I am just focusing on my life and take a step back from him. Maybe until i feel good and stable, I’ll ride the game again? I am competitive nature and want this guy to fall for me.

    Thank you

    1. Hi there,
      I would be super careful with this guy as you mentioned that he throws stuff when he’s angry (never a good sign as he could potentially become violent).I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on your life and your happiness. Even if you are competitive, is this a game that you really want to win? In addition to a serious temper, he sounds like he has lots of issues with women. Maybe the best idea is to let this one go…You are young, energetic and happy. There are tons of amazing guys out there without all of his emotional baggage that will be flirty, fun and good partners.

  15. I have full for a player everyday I text him sometime he reply me but when he sees me in public he talk to me I just don’t understand

    1. Hi Jessica,
      I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Are you saying that he replies to your text messages but doesn’t speak to you in public? If that’s the case, forget him and move on…

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