“Why has he stopped texting me?!” – asked every woman, at least once in her life’
So you went on a date with a guy, he sent the perfect follow up text the next morning, and the days that followed were texting bliss. Then, suddenly: Silence.
You’re left staring at your phone and rereading the messages, asking yourself what it was you said that put him off so much. You send countless messages to your close friends and get a long list of responses:
“Why has he stopped texting me?!”
“He’s probably married”
“He’s an a**hole”
“He might be a secret agent”
Urghhhh. This kind of thing is so frustrating, and it happens ALL. THE. TIME. But the answer to the question, “Why has he stopped texting me?” probably isn’t as exciting as your friends think. It normally comes down to one of three things:
He’s Just Not That Into You
In the famous words of Justin Long: sometimes, he’s just not that into you.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you did have a great date, and he thought you were a nice girl, but didn’t feel that ‘spark’. So he sent you a follow up text the next day because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings – but then the texting got out of hand.
‘Breaking up’ with someone after just one date is kind of awkward. You run the risk of being embarrassed by looking like you took it all way too seriously if you send the big; “I had a really great night last night but….” Text. Sometimes it really is better just to keep quiet. Sorry.
He’s Just A Jerk
On the other hand, he might just be a jerk. He was all thumbs and messages when he had nothing else going on, then as soon as another girl walks past him he’s off on yet another chase, leaving you sitting on your bed eating chocolate and asking: “Why has he stopped texting me!”, to yourself, your friends, and your Ryan Gosling poster.
The idea that guys have a ‘one track mind’ is misleading: trust me, they can sure track a whole lot of girls in that mind, and you might have just be the lucky one who he let slip by.
Texting 5 girls at a time is normal for lots of guys – after all, to be fair, it’s perfectly ok to be into more than one person at ones, as long as your treat them all with respect – and as soon as one of them gives an obvious green signal, that might just spell the end for the other 4. Count your lucky starts that you were ‘the one that got away’ from this player.
He Is In To You. Duh!
One of the most frustrating things for guys is when girls look wayyyy too deep into their text messaging.
Men are not always the emotionally communicative and in-touch creatures we would love them to be, and they often don’t know that leaving you hanging on a text might lead to your severe emotional demise.
In his mind it goes like this: I like you, that’s obvious – I’ll give you a call when I’m going to ask you out.
Kudos to you if you caught this guy – he might not be a text wizard, but at least he knows what he wants!
So, you’ve worked out which category your ‘Why has he stopped texting me!?’ cries fall in to. Now, what do you do?
DON’T text him again on the same day
Don’t be that double texting girl who sends the ‘smooth’ second message in the hope of squeezing one last text out of him.
Trust me, it doesn’t work and it’s not worth your dignity.
Just leave it. If he’s lost interest, it’s better to let him go quietly. If he’s into you but not into texting, he’ll appreciate the space and give you a call when he wants to ask you out. And if he’s a jerk – well, he’s a jerk.
DO send a follow up message if you really thought you had something
If you’re quite sure he doesn’t fall in to the ‘jerk’ category, there’s really no harm in sending a follow up text after a few textless days. Just something light and non-accusatory, like:
“Hey, it’s been a while, up to anything this weekend?”
If he’s not in to you but a nice guy, he’ll at least feel bad enough to come up with an excuse, and then you can go on your merry way knowing it was nothing you did.
And if he is in to you, you’ll probably get a text back saying:
“Of course I am – taking you out to dinner!”
It’s a win-win situation. (And if there is no response, then refer back to above)
Why Has He Stopped Texting Me – Really?
There are so many reasons why has has dropped off the face of the earth, and almost non of them have to do with anything that you did – so don’t take it out on yourself.
Next time you’ve got something going with a guy and the texts dry up like an Australian summer, forget about the “Why did he stop texting me?!” phone calls. Stay calm and composed and follow the rules. Trust me, they work.
[…] A few months ago I wrote an article for the ladies, trying to get to the bottom of the reasons why men can suddenly lose all interest and stop texting back – Why did HE stop texting me? […]
Hi Claudia!
I’d really appreciate your opinion on something. So I’ve been texting this guy on Facebook for about a week. I know thats not long so I try to not read anything into it-but here I am writing this. 😀
He is my neighbour, well was until a few weeks ago so I don’t run into him in the building any more, but I still have the keys so I’m still there sometimes. I texted him about a week ago and he directly started answering, asking a lot of questions and seemed really interested into me and what I do. We were writing a few times a day with maybe half to one hour spaces between the messages. He still keeps asking questions, but yesterday for example he didn’t answer the last text for over a day, although I saw he read it and was online a few times during the day. He answered, I answered a few hours later and now it’s a whole day again — he’s still asking questions, but why suddenly space the messages out so much after just a week?
– The ‘ thought I’m not crazy but apparently I am#- Girl
He probably has another woman he’s texting and one is more interesting than the other,
But when he’s bored he runs back and forth.
He’s playing games. Been there done that!
Well there is this guy that I have a crush on, so it started when my friends told me that he was online and I texted him. And he answered. Then we talked about stuff, when we told each other that we like each other, we started texting each day. But 5 days later, he now stopped. And when I texted him, he doesn’t answer anymore. But in school, he always smiles at me and blushes.
What does this mean?
Has he lost interest on me?
Hi Alejandra,
Thanks for reaching out, I’m sorry to hear about your situation 🙁 I would stop texting him for the moment…let him be the one to start texting you again. I’m not sure if he has lost interest, he may have stopped because he’s shy, nervous (now that you know he likes you) or just really busy. In any case, if he isn’t texting you back then stop and give him some space.
Bisous,
Claudia
Hi, I’ve been divorced for about a year and a half now and recently met a man I really like. This kind of like definitely has not happened for me often. We did sleep together on the second date. I know it was to soon, but honestly I had not had sex since my divorce, and the way he kissed me made me putty in his hands. We continued to speak, and see each other. He always asked about my children, and sent me pictures of his, and even hinted at them meeting one day. My question is this, I initiated our last text conversation, which is rare for me. The last thing he said was “that’s awesome” after a video I sent. I didn’t respond because I didn’t feel a response was necessary. Today will be 5 days since I’ve heard from him. Should I contact him or leave it alone? And what should I say if I do contact him? It’s been so long since I’ve dated, and texting has surely made things more complicated. Thank you, and I’d appreciate any advice.”
Hi Allyson,
That’s a tough call…but I would wait for him to answer…it seems like you have made a lot of effort, and now it’s his turn. If he only replies “that’s awesome” then he needs to up his text game. I believe that dating is a numbers game…so even if you are not comfortable with it…get out there and start dating a bunch of guys:) I would love to help you. Send me an email – [email protected]
Bisous,
Claudia
Thanks for your post. I think i need to let it out. I met a guy on my holidays back home. We hit it off. he worked as a Diplomatic in my home town. I am Asian and he is from the states. after I went back to the country where I live and work,he visited me twice. We had a great connection. and he said He will no longer work in my home country and he got transferred to another country soon. I felt so sad and tried not to attach him emotionally. But he said he will visit me again. After he went on holidays back to his home in the states,he still tried to help me for my school applications which he encouraged me to get scholarship in the US. we said we missed each other. I stopped texting him for one week coz i didnt want to disturb his family times and he reached out to me later But just before he moved to another country for diplomatic, he changed not texting me a lot or he sounded just a normal friend. I initiated conversation a few times. my last time was I let him know that i was not selected for scholarship. We started talking about it again and I told him I would move back to my home country and try another times for scholarship. Then he ignored me totally on FB messenger and I saw him online sometimes but never reached out to me. I put him on restricted list on Facebook for a week where he could not see my posts an pics at all then I decided to remove him from that list and he can see all my stuffs. After over one month we didn’t talk/text, I uploaded my new pic on facebook and he straightly liked it. I don’t have any idea at all. I feel so hurt but I still could control my feelings and never confront him yet.PS( when I tried to end the things , he did not want and he said he still wanted to keep in touch and talk to me). I never nag or chase him. Most of the times, i reached out to him were about school applications which he was helping me, coz i dont want him to feel pressured). Now He totally ignores me! 🙁 please tell me somethings.
Hi Sarah,
I’m sorry to hear about your frustration…it’s tough, because of the distance and the fact that you don’t know where you will be in the future (are you still applying to schools in the US?). I would grab his attention by changing your profile photo again to something cute, and then like something on his page. When he responds (which I’m pretty sure he will). Write something non application related, and nothing too serious. Ask him about something he likes – for example is he a huge NFL fan? Check out what is happening with his favorite team and write him something, followed by a question about his life. For example “I don’t even need to ask, I’m sure you’ll be watching the Lions tomorrow, right? 🙂 How’s your xyz?” From there, keep it light and short. Use emojis. Tell him that you were thinking about him and just wanted to say hi. Let him take it from there…
And probably the most important thing of all? Don’t get into a long conversation via text about your relationship, future, etc. If you want to talk to him about that, try and schedule a video chat if you cannot see him in person (which sounds like the case at the moment).
Good luck!
Bisous
Claudia
Hi Claudia,
I”ve known this guy since 2002 because we used to worked together.Anyway I haven’t seen him since I moved to the different states.So we got together 3 months ago and he told me that he doesn’t do LDR but we continue to communicate.Then Thanksgiving 2016 he messaged me saying he will be in our hometown for a couple weeks and he would like to see when he comes home,but I leave on a different states and couldn’t take leave at that time.He wanted to video chat that day but I told him that I was busy because my friends are coming over to my house so we can have dinner. From then on I think he got mad so I hardly hear from him.Then I texted him probably couple weeks for so many times but sometimes he won’t reply and will just say that he doesn’t get service and that’s it. Every time I texted him sometimes I get a reply and sometimes I don’t.Then few weeks have passed that I didn’t hear from him I messaged him and he said lets video chat and we did and I asked why I hardly hear from him and he basically said that he got mad at me because of what had happened.Anyhow i told him that I would like to keep our communication if he can, all he said is will see if I’m nice. So beginning of Dec I told him that I bought a ticket to our hometown and I would like to come see him. He replied and told me that he will be home during that holiday as well and we will see. We communicate on and off cause of him being hot and cold.Then few weeks after I reminded him again and he said that it doesn’t really matter if I come see him or not.I was kinda hurt of what he says and I just kept that to myself. Then Dec 22 I texted him and says hey I’m flying in tonight and I hope to see you sometimes this week. He messaged that he have his kids with him and he will let me know maybe on the 24. So Dec 24 I texted him that morning and he finally text me back saying maybe he could see me for a little bit but I have to wait and he have his kids with him so I waited until 3 pm and we hang out and I have him a presents and I bought him his favorite drinks and gave him a backrub.I picked him up from his place and when I was driving I asked why I hardly hear from him and he said I don’t do long distance and I know that.Maybe if I moved like closer and see him every weekend it would workout.But right now I’m too far away and to be in a relationship he wants someone there because he have wants and needs. So I asked for a kiss everything was fine and we hangout for 3 hours at the hotel.When I dropped him off I asked if we can see each other again before he leaves.he said he doesn’t want to make a promises because it’s Christmas the next day and it’s his kids bday on the 26.But he is leaving on the 27th to go back to his work which is 3.5 hours away. I tried to messaged him the following days but never get a reply.Then the morning of the 27th I texted and I said I wanted to see him to say bye before he leave. Couple hours passed and he said that already gone. I told him how come he didn’t want to see me.I asked did I do something wrong.All he said was nope. I messaged again and asked if he is just not into me?i didn’t hear from him so I sent another message to say it’s alright if his not and I understand. No reply again so I waited for couple hours and I asked if he made it there safe. I didn’t hear from him at all. I am so confused I think I am falling for him and he just doesn’t really care about me. In my head I don’t know why I kept pursuing him and there’s a thousand of people in this world but I really like him.What do I do?thank you and if I can get an advice on what I should do.
Hi Mar,
It sounds like you are putting in A LOT more effort than he is…which is never a good thing. From what you have told me about him I wouldn’t pursue him anymore. I would start dating other guys who live closer to you and are ready to invest in getting to know you and spending time with you. A relationship should be 50/50 and this one seems 90/10. He is either a player or emotionally unavailable. In either case, you deserve more. Stay strong. Sending tons of positive energy your way.
Bisous,
Claudia
So I had been texting this guy that was in another state he is a welder. After 3 months of texting we finally meet and have a perfect date then he texts me the next two days saying he wanted to hang out again. Now it’s been almost a week and no text back. What do i do?
Hi Mary,
Are you also connected on Social Media? If so, I would like one of his posts (make sure you pick something cool). It is a subtle way of saying “hello, I’m here :)” Otherwise, if you are chatting on what’s app, change your profile photo and put something really cute (guys are visual, so they notice that kind of thing). If you still don’t hear from him, wait another week then ask him a question totally unrelated to the date (you could ask his advice about something) and then see if he brings up the date again. I hope it works out!
Bisous,
Claudia
He is from another country. We were talking. He suddenly stopped. I think I was starting to fall for him. I never want to text someone ever again.
Hi L,
Please don’t let one bad experience turn you off texting…There are a ton of great guys out there 🙂
Bisous,
Claudia
Hi, I’ve been seeing this guy for about 5 weeks and he even told me that he likes me. But he texts me when he can arrange the date and we had a great date. But the day after the date, he becomes so cold at texting and stop replying me. So i waited for about 3day-a week ,then he texted me again “i miss you babe”. This has been a hot-and-cold cycle and really confuses me.
I wanted to develop a serious relationship with him but if he’s just playing games with me then i’m done here. Is this disappearing-and-reappearing text normal? When he stops texting me i feel like he’s pushing me and doesn’t want any emotional tie with me. What should i do to make him text me frequently and consistent with his behavior?
Hi Olivia,
Hot and cold is so frustrating! If you want a future with this guy then you need to ask him what’s going on. Try being direct and see what he says. If he is defensive or hostile, then you know that you would be wasting your time with him. Obviously he’s not ready for a relationship, and it’s time to move on. On the other hand, maybe he doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it and he will change.
Good luck!
Bisous,
Claudia
i met this guy on social media and were in long distance relationship (LDR) for about 3 months, we didnt meet in person but through video call we did… the past 2 months is great conversation and then this month he suddenly stopped messaging me for about 4 days at first day i asked why he is not messaging then he only SEEN my messages that leads me to be angry and said hurtful message i guess, then i continue messaging him like whats the problem, and he seen again then i tried not to message him for about 1 day and he finally message… the message is “what you dont want to talk to me anymore”… i was just like …….. WTF??? and yes most of the time i initiate first on our conversation and then i tried not to message him unless he message me and he message that “why im not messaging him”… what should I reply? and do i really need to start the conversation everytime? his answering when i first initiate and his really busy person he said… is he into me? and do i need to be the first to initiate talking? hope for your reply… thanks in advance
Hi Rhea,
That is a lot of messaging…I have been in the same exact situation as you before, and it sucks! But, no. You should not initiate a conversation with him every time. He should reach out to you. At least 50:50. Does he live someplace nearby? Is there any chance that you could meet him in person? The problem with only texting, skyping, and talking to someone via SM is that you build an image of the person in your head (kind of like reading a book). So, before you get any more emotionally involved with him, try to meet him face to face. And in the meantime, wait for him to text you.
Bisous x
Claudia
I don’t understand why guys just don’t have a nerve to be honest instead they just disappear and won’t reply to your message?
Hi M,
…you’re not alone, it happens to a lot of people (both guys and girls alike). I think that the person who stops responding wants to try and avoid conflict. They hope that the person on the end other end will “get the message” that they aren’t interested. But it hurts, and it’s not very nice. The only way to approach it with a positive attitude, is to tell yourself “they are doing me a favor, at least now I’m not going to waste any more time on someone who is not interested in me or a relationship”.
Stay strong.
Bisous x
Claudia
Hello Claudia,
I met this guy on tinder, I tried the app but I never met in real life before . It seemed we had a lot in common and he soon asked for my phone number. He was always texting me first and I finally agreed to meet. We went for a drink and he paid everything, one we said goodbye he tried to kiss me, but I didn’t expect it and we only touched lips.The think ks that I felt something on my gut. Afterwards he texted me apologizing, and he asked me out the next day, but I was busy . Afterwards I went on holiday and he texted me the first day I came back, asking me when I was free. He invited me to his house to play card games, I told him that I’d rather to go to a bar, but he told me we could stay in the living room, so I accepted. We had lunch there, and have fun playing cards, he also introduced me to his flatmates. When I realized what time it was, like 10pm, I told him I had to leave because I was working next morning. Then he accompanied me to the tube station acting akward and said “see you around”. Nothing happened that day, we even didn’t kiss each other, but when I came home I texted him to say thank you for the lunch and the invitation, and telling him that we didn’t play poker. He answered me that we would play next time, I said great, and there’s been no answer afterwards. Not even a good night. It has happened two weeks since then, and we haven’t texted each other. Shall I text him or let him go? I don’t know what to think about it, because everything looked great until I left, I also was a bit competitive playing, but it was part of the fun. I don’t know if I should text him or wait for him to do the next move,but I’m afraid he’s not going to text anymore. I think I’m going to get crazy because now I can’t stop thinking about him.
Hi Chloe,
I would send a text asking him when the poker game was going to take place, you don’t have anything to lose, but everything to gain (as you seem to really like him). From what you wrote, he seemed very interested in you, and made a lot of effort to see you again, so I bet he will answer. Maybe he is just waiting to see if you follow up, and you are also interested in him…
I hope it works out!
Bisous x
Claudia
Hi Claudia,
Thanks for your message!
I sent him a message this Thursday and he answered me very fast asking if I was free the same day. It was my day off so I said we could met, but I’m not sure if he met me because he was genuinely interested or because he didn’t have anything better to do.
We went for a drink (it was on me this time), and afterwards we went to the movies. I think I really like him, but he didn’t move forward or tried to kiss me, so I’m not sure if he’s into me.
After the date I had a message from him asking me if I had arrived well. I answered him I was ok and I told him I was going to sleep because I had to work next day. I wished him good night and he didn’t reply. So now I am again in the same situation . He’s literally driving me crazy |-O
Hi Chloe,
I’m glad you met him again, and had a good time! Since you still haven’t played poker, you could send him a text message telling him that you had a fun time with him on Thursday, and asking him when he plans on taking you on…Then, let him schedule the next date and lead the conversation and see where it goes.
I hope everything works out!
Bisous
Claudia