So you had a first date with a super cute, super fun and just plain super girl that you’d like to see again. Now what? You’re probably wondering about questions like "What and when to text her?" While these questions will rattle a man’s mind, the after the first date text message should ideally stay pretty simple and just focus on a few key principles. So, don’t get caught up trying to be over the top hilarious, or a hardcore player. Extreme behavior probably won’t increase your odds of seeing her again. Over-doing it, can actually have the opposite effect. This article will show you exactly what’s needed to see that girl again.

Last night you had a great first date. After spending a couple hours engaged in playful conversation and storytelling, you want more. Guess what? If your dreams are going to become reality, you’re gonna need to man up and send the dreaded ‘After First-Date Text’.

Relax. If you felt like things went well, then she probably feels the same way. This means it’s time to continue building momentum and move on to the next round.

Convincing a girl to go out on a date with you the first time around, is much harder than the second. Why? Because when a girl accepts a first date she is heavily investing herself in a man that she barely knows anything about. For the second date, she has an inkling of an idea about who you are. If you totally tanked and were a jerk than you can kiss your chances at seeing her again goodbye. Yet, if she did enjoy her time with you than it much easier to convince her to agree to a 2nd date.

Keep Your After First Date Text Message Casual

The traditional dating of yesteryear are no more. Today, if a man invites a woman to a fancy dinner right after meeting her, she may feel that he is coming on too strong. Any sort of heavy financial or emotional investment on the man’s end could come off as needy, and the same applies to texting.

The frame of the after first-date text should be along the lines of ‘Hey, you’re cute and fun; so am I. Let’s hang out again and have a good time together like we did the other night.”

Expertly Pulling Off After First-Date Text

Smart men, suave men, funny men and pretty much super annoyed with the whole dating scene men have pondered and pondered the question of how soon to contact a girl after the first date. Some schools of thought suggest immediate action, and texting her the same evening, though others suggest waiting several days. While the answer largely depends on your connection with the girl, it should be somewhere between the two.

Personally, as a woman, my date gets some serious bonus points if he sends me a text message relatively soon after our date. I don’t think the guy is needy, or he has nothing to do. I think he is classy, interested in me (which is sexy) and not a player (which is also sexy).

But, like I said…it’s up to you and how you felt during the date.

What to Send…5 Key Elements

The After first-date text should stick to a few basic principles:

  1. Let her know you enjoyed her company,
  2. Be funny (but don’t be a try-hard),
  3. Keep it brief,
  4. Be upbeat, and
  5. Make plans

A lot of guys may be tempted to get into a conversation about daily grind, in hopes that the more she texts, the more she will fall for him. The reality is that the more you text a girl, the more room for error you’re leaving, and the less mysterious you are coming across. One offensive text and you are toast. Fifty boring texts and you are labeled as boring.

Here’s a sample of what an after first-date text should look like:

Guy: Hey Cinderella, how’s it going?

Girl: Haha I’m great thanks! And you?

Guy: I’m just excellent! I really enjoyed “getting into trouble” with you the other night. Are you free Thursday?

Girl: Sure!

Guy: Great. Let’s go to XX at 9 PM. I’ll pick you up in my limo 😉

Girl: Okay see you there!

See how simple and straightforward that was? The guy wasn’t trying to be needy; he just wanted to see her again, and he threw in a little piece of his personality.

Many text conversations may not go this smoothly, but it’s always a good idea to stick to this for the after first-date text conversation.

What If She Doesn’t Text You Back?

Sometimes if a girl isn’t interested in seeing you again, she’ll give vague, short answers and try to seem busy (I’m washing my hair types of things). Sometimes she won’t respond at all (yep, I’ve done all of those…sorry guys).

Hey, it happens to the best of us. You can always try texting her again, but don’t invest too heavily in a girl you barely know. It is a recipe for disaster – you will slowly start destroying your self-esteem, and you will push her away. So, instead of texting her, do something else! Dating, texting and getting to know someone should be fun, so if you feel like the whole story is more of a thorn in your side than a guilty pleasure, move on.


Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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  1. The day after a first date I sent the guy a casual and brief text: Thanks, had fun with you, hopefully we can do it again, but I then said maybe after you are out from under your work (he had mentioned specifically having a lot of work coming up). That was a Friday and today is Tuesday and I haven’t heard anything back. My feeling was that the date went well and he was affectionate as I left so I felt that he was interested in me. So, was it a mistake to frame getting together again in what would probably amount to weeks from now? I am giving him space, but I wonder if it would be weird to send him something flirty to say hi (we had some banter) if I don’t hear from him? How long should I wait? Sorry for such a long question.

  2. Morning Claudia,

    I’m divorced for 7 years and engaged to a lady for 2 years now.

    My x wife told me that our communication was bad and now I try to be a better communicater with my fiancé

    The problem is that she is not very in to texting. What must I do to let her improve on texting skills

    Can you please give me advice.

    Thank you.

    1. Hi Gert,
      It’s hard to tell a partner that they are not good at something, so instead of saying “you aren’t a good texter” I would help her improve her texting skills by setting a good example. Send her a few creative text messages – something that goes beyond a grocery list or an appointment confirmation. For example, send her:
      – a random “thinking of you” text message at some point in the day. Be specific and genuine. For example: “Just walked by our favorite park…wish we were there cozy on a blanket enjoying the sunshine”
      – a few voice messages if you haven’t already. She will definitely hear the sincerity and humor in your voice. Voice messages are a huge turn on for many women (me included!).

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