Well it won’t be unless you know the secret to desire in a long term relationship . It’s true that time changes things, dulls our emotions and the evils of boredom and familiarity can cast a shadow over our long-term relationship. Where there was once a kiss there is now a scowl; where there was once a compliment there is now a criticism.
Relationships are funny things. Some start with a bang, fizzle out and end with a whimper after just a month. Others (my late grandma and grandpa) – kept their love for each other strong for almost sixty years.
If your relationship has hit a stormy patch at the moment, you might be wondering what you and your partner are doing wrong.
Your Relationship Is Different
The truth is that no two relationships are the same. It’s like the famous quote from Leo Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina:
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
In other words, the things that tear relationships apart vary from couple to couple.
There are common problems that ruin relationships, turning what was once an ideal movie-esque romance into a nightmare.
Here are some conflicts to avoid as well as how to maintain the secret to desire in a long term relationship.
1. A Lack Of Trust
If there is no trust, a relationship cannot succeed. It can’t weather the storm. All healthy, lasting relationships have trust. One of the secret to desire in a long term relationship is guarding that trust.
Without trust, a night out becomes an issue.
Without trust, overtime at work becomes problematic.
Suspicion reigns to the point where the suspected can’t take it any longer, while the one with the accusations is driven mad.
Lack Of Trust Side Effects
When there is a lack of trust, a relationship is infested with possessiveness, jealousy, emotional instability, game playing and a lack of support. It’s all poison, and it’s one of the biggest reasons why a long-term relationship turns sour and it is definitely NOT the secret to desire in a long term relationship.
Go To The Core
The secret to desire in a long term relationship means addressing these trust issues in order to find out what started the rot in the first place. Then, work hard to improve your communication with each other and do your best to reassure each other that there is no need to be so suspicious.
Installing trust might not sound as sexy as new lingerie and hot photos, but in a long term relationship it has a huge impact on whether you stay together or not.
2. A Lack Of Communication
Equally as important to a successful relationship is communication. I once asked my late grandma how she and my late grandpa managed to keep a happy marriage, and she was certain that communication played a huge role.
The Secret To Desire In A Long Term Relationship Revolves Around Good Communication
Without communication, these things happen:
• Trust is eroded
• Values and priorities shift
• Misunderstandings and thus arguments occur
• The two of you are no longer on the same level
• Things don’t get said, and resentment sets in
• Worst of all, you grow apart
What Can You Do?
I would set aside an hour each week at the same time on the same day to talk about how you both feel about the week, both independently and as a couple. What were the wins and what were the losses? If there are even some small issues, try to find a solution before they blow up into big issues.
3. A Shift In Goals
Life is such that our goals change. What was our high-level goal five years ago might be totally forgotten about now. This is fine – it’s normal to change goals.
However, if your goals are now hugely different from your partner’s, it can cause a rupture in your relationship. They want to move in one direction and you want to move in another.
This can cause lasting, permanent damage, because high-level goals – such as those related to our careers and our health – often require major financial and lifestyle decisions. If you two can’t agree about your goals, it can cause a break.
So what is the secret to desire in a long term relationship regarding goals? Keep your common goals as a couple in check. Make sure during your weekly chats that you are working toward the same thing.
4. People Grow Apart
As upsetting as it is, people grow apart. We may still love our partner, but if we’ve grow apart from them, the relationship just isn’t worth our time anymore.
Hey, it happens. The thing is, it can be rectified.
People in a long-term relationship grow apart due to not spending enough time with each other. We lose sight of who our partner is, forget what it was like to have a laugh with them, and therefore it feels like they’ve become a stranger.
Sheer boredom can cause us to grow apart from our partner. Avoid falling into a routine where you only do annoying activities or tasks together. Sure, basic life takes a lot of work – buying groceries, cleaning, taking out the trash, picking up the kids and cooking. But even the busiest of the busiest have a little down time.
What You Can Do
The secret to desire in a long term relationship involves being more creative with what you and your partner do during this down time, and making sure you spend some quality time together.
Plan more trips, work less, and reconnect. Learn about each other’s hobbies. Ask questions. Maybe you can even have some projects together – something you are both excited about, such as running a 10K or traveling abroad.
These are 4 reasons why long-term relationships don’t succeed and what you can do to keep the secret to desire in a long term relationship in tact. Anything to add? Please leave a comment below!