Well it won’t be unless you know the secret to desire in a long term relationship . It’s true that time changes things, dulls our emotions and the evils of boredom and familiarity can cast a shadow over our long-term relationship. Where there was once a kiss there is now a scowl; where there was once a compliment there is now a criticism.
Relationships are funny things. Some start with a bang, fizzle out and end with a whimper after just a month. Others (my late grandma and grandpa) – kept their love for each other strong for almost sixty years.
If your relationship has hit a stormy patch at the moment, you might be wondering what you and your partner are doing wrong.
The Secret To Desire In A Long Term Relationship Your Relationship Starts With Understanding Your Differences
The truth is that no two relationships are the same. It’s like the famous quote from Leo Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina:
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
In other words, the things that tear relationships apart vary from couple to couple.
There are common problems that ruin relationships, turning what was once an ideal movie-esque romance into a nightmare.
Here are some conflicts to avoid as well as how to maintain the secret to desire in a long term relationship.
1. Make Sure Your Relationship Is Built On Trust
If there is no trust, a relationship cannot succeed. It can’t weather the storm. All healthy, lasting relationships have trust. One of the secret to desire in a long term relationship is guarding that trust.
Without trust, a night out becomes an issue.
Without trust, overtime at work becomes problematic.
Suspicion reigns to the point where the suspected can’t take it any longer, while the one with the accusations is driven mad.
Lack Of Trust Side Effects
When there is a lack of trust, a relationship is infested with possessiveness, jealousy, emotional instability, game playing and a lack of support. It’s all poison, and it’s one of the biggest reasons why a long-term relationship turns sour and it is definitely NOT the secret to desire in a long term relationship.
How To Build Trust
The secret to desire in a long term relationship means addressing these trust issues in order to find out what started the rot in the first place. Then, work hard to improve your communication with each other and do your best to reassure each other that there is no need to be so suspicious.
Make sure that your partner feels safe sharing with you their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Your goal should be to create a safe space where you can both be vulnerable without fear of judgment or reprisal.
Installing trust might not sound as sexy as new lingerie and hot photos, but in a long term relationship it has a huge impact on whether you stay together or not.
2. Focus On Healthy Communication
Equally as important as trust to a successful relationship is communication. I once asked my late grandma how she and my late grandpa managed to keep a happy marriage, and she was certain that communication played a huge role.
So, what are some ways that you can foster good communication in your long term relationship? Start with active listening, honesty, and a non-judgmental attitude. As my grandma said, communication is a never ending process that requires effort from both partners. Communication is a two person game.
Misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. However, effective communication enables couples to address and resolve these issues constructively. It also fosters emotional intimacy, deepening the bond between partners. When you share experiences, thoughts, appreciation, emotions and affection with your partner, you improve your emotional connection.
Open communication also allows helps both of you express your needs, boundaries, and expectations – a much healthier alternative to expecting your partner to read your mind.
How else can communication improve your relationship? It can help provide support, comfort, encouragement, and understanding during challenging times. Sharing hard times as well as seeking advice from each other can strengthen your relationship and make you feel like a team.
So, why is it so important? Well, without open, continuous communication, these things can happen:
• Trust is eroded
• Values and priorities shift
• Misunderstandings and thus arguments occur
• The two of you are no longer on the same level
• Things don’t get said, and resentment sets in
• Worst of all, you grow apart
What Can You Do?
I would set aside an hour each week at the same time on the same day to talk about how you both feel about the week, both independently and as a couple. What were the wins and what were the losses? If there are even some small issues, try to find a solution before they blow up into big issues.
3. Make Sure You Keep Common Goals
Life is such that our goals change. What was our high-level goal five years ago might be totally forgotten about now. This is fine – it’s normal to change goals.
However, if your goals are now hugely different from your partner’s, it can cause a rupture in your relationship. They want to move in one direction and you want to move in another.
This can cause lasting, permanent damage, because high-level goals – such as those related to our careers and our health – often require major financial and lifestyle decisions. If you two can’t agree about your goals, it can cause a break.
Stay Connected With Clear Shared Goals
So what is the secret to desire in a long term relationship regarding goals? Keep your common goals as a couple in check. Make sure that you are working toward the same thing. As unromantic as it might sound, sit down together and make a list, then have weekly progress chats.
4. Don’t Allow You And Your Partner To Grow Apart
As upsetting as it is, people grow apart. We may still love our partner, but if we’ve grow apart from them, the relationship just isn’t worth our time anymore.
Hey, it happens. The thing is, it can be rectified.
People in a long-term relationship grow apart due to not spending enough time with each other. We lose sight of who our partner is, forget what it was like to have a laugh with them, and therefore it feels like they’ve become a stranger. Sheer boredom can cause us to grow apart from our partner.
What You Can Do To Foster Closeness
Avoid falling into a routine where you only do annoying activities or tasks together. Sure, basic life takes a lot of work – buying groceries, cleaning, taking out the trash, picking up the kids and cooking. But even the busiest of the busiest have a little down time.
The secret to desire in a long term relationship involves being more creative with what you and your partner do during this down time, and making sure you spend some quality time together.
Plan more trips, work less, and reconnect. Learn about each other’s hobbies (or even give them a try!). Ask questions. Maybe you can even start some shared projects together – something you are both excited about, such as running a 10K, redoing your basement, landscaping your yard or traveling abroad.
5. Remind Yourself To Stay Positive
Do you know what can really kill long-distance relationships? Negative energy via text!
Is it possible to send negative energy via text? Totally. Here is an example.
“You didn’t text for so long last night. Who were you with?”
In isolation, that text is okay. But it’s soaked in suspicion. And the more you send that kind of text, the harder the relationship will become.
Let’s say you keep saying things like this:
“You never text first! Well, you know what? I’m busy today too. Speak tomorrow.”
Pretty soon, your partner won’t want to text because they won’t want the aggro that texting causes.
You need to stay positive when texting a long-distance partner. Even if you don’t feel particularly positive, it’s important that you appear to be positive.
If they stayed out late, tell them you hope they had fun!
If they’re always late at responding to your texts, tell them you hope their boss isn’t working them too hard!
Positivity will make your long-distance romance much, much easier. Once you start getting negative in their texts, your best form of communication becomes something they might start to avoid.
The secret to desire in a long term relationship lies in never losing the connection that brought you together in the first place. Make your partner and your relationship a priority. Not just in the short term, but always. Anything to add? Please leave a comment below!