“You’re There, I’m Here”…If this sounds like you, hang on for some super charged long distance relationship advice.
If you’ve been together long enough, almost every couple goes through a period of time when they’re forced to be apart. Never fear, this distance doesn’t mean the end of something good. Instead, use it to cement your bond even further.
Everyday the world is more connected, and people seem more willing to travel to meet the people they love
It’s so much easier to build a long-distance relationship, and the stigma that was once attached to it is peeling off.
Indeed, according to statistics, 14,000,000 people are in a long-distance relationship. That’s a lot, and these numbers alone prove that what our parents and grandparents would have deemed impossible is totally possible.
Anything Is Possible
Look, if you want something enough, you’ll have it. If you want your very own Miguel in Ecuador or Helga from Sweden, you can have them.
Long Distance Relationship Advice For You
Here is some long-distance relationship advice that has worked for me, and can work for you too!
1. Make Sure You’re Both Committed To Making This Work
A long-distance relationship isn’t going to work if only one of you truly believes it can. If you’re convinced you can make something out of this, while they’re hesitating and saying “we can see what happens” in a half-convinced tone, it just isn’t going to work.
You have to treat a long-distance relationship exactly like you would any other relationship. It has to be worked at. It doesn’t come gift wrapped with a cute note attached. It comes as a jigsaw puzzle, and it takes the two of you to piece it together.
Be All In
Belief is super important here. I’m a firm believer in the remarkable power of belief. If you believe you can do something, you really will do it. If you don’t really believe you can make something work, then it won’t work. This piece of long distance relationship advice applies to all relationships, not just for those far away.
Make sure you are both committed to this and know deep in your hearts that you want it enough and are prepared to do whatever it takes to make this a success. Then, you can move on to the next tips.
2. Couples That Play Together…
A great way to stay close to your partner is by playing online games with them.
There are plenty of games to choose from, including Battleship, Scrabble, Uno and chess, while you could also take a few quizzes together and see how you do.
Games are a fab way of having fun together despite the distance.
Top tip – manipulate time zones so that you play them when they’re tired. It’s a great way to score victory! 🙂
3. Create Vivid Images With Your Words
While taking a photo is fast and easy, painting a vivid picture via words, of either yourself or your surroundings, is even more powerful. Don’t believe me? Just ask yourself – isn’t the book almost always better than the movie? For example:
“My silk undies feel pretty good on my tooshie, but I still prefer the touch of your hands…”
Another idea? share with your partner all the great little things you’re looking forward to doing when you’re finally together. Why? Because texting “I can’t wait to see you,” over and over, gets old really fast. However, mentioning a specific activity that you are excited to do together instantly makes your text message more interesting. For example:
”Looking forward to sipping wine as we cook our favorite meal together.”
4. Go On Video!
Video can bring you much closer together. I’m not saying that a video call is just as good as having them next to you actually in the flesh, but it’s a very good second. All of a sudden, you can hear them breathe, watch them break out into laughter, and even blow them a kiss. Suddenly, you don’t feel so far away from them.
How Often Should You Do It?
You should aim for at least three to four times a week, as it will help you retain a closeness that you need more than ever in a long-distance relationship.
It’s also something you can look forward to and, at times, you really will feel as though you’re hanging out together.
Also, do stuff you normally would at home while on video. Cook, fold your clothes, make coffee. Why not? You could even watch movies together. It’ll go a long way toward strengthening the bond.
5. Talk About Your Feelings
Long distance relationships, like all relationships, are fraught with ups and downs. There will be ups, but there will also be downs.
There is no long distance relationship advice out there to prevent the downs. Sorry.
And when the downs come around, it will feel like this really sucks. You want them to be lying next you in bed at night. You REALLY want to lay your head on their chest like a doe lays its head on a deer. But you can’t, and it sucks. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks.
I know it does. I’ve been there. Believe me, the sucky parts are SUCKY.
Don’t Keep It Inside
The worst thing you can do during these down moments is to keep your thoughts, feelings and fears bottled up inside.
Instead, you have to let them out. Tell your partner that you’re having a rough time at the moment and miss them.
Don’t worry that they might get annoyed and suggest that you call it quits. Keeping your feelings locked up inside is a heck of a lot worse than talking things out.
6. Do What You Can Do…
… and make sure they do what they can do.
What I mean by this piece of long distance relationship advice is that there will be things you’re really good at in a relationship and things they’re really good at.
For example, maybe you’re the king or queen at flirty text for long distance relationship, leaving your partner lots of loving text messages throughout the day. While they might be really rubbish at texting back, they might be much better at calling first.
Or, maybe you’re good at sending cute things in the mail while they’re better at planning visits.
Whatever your strengths are in any relationship, make sure you use them here. Be at your best, and hopefully they’ll be at their best too.
7. Be Reasonable About When You Communicate
Nothing can interfere in a long distance relationship more than time zones – well, with the exception of naysayers who insist right from the start that this could never work.
Time zones are an issue.
It’s important that you discuss healthy communication routines. The last thing you want is for arguments to arise because you’re not “putting in the effort” to talk to them.
Schedule your chats and calls. Be aware of each other’s time zones and lives away from the computer and this relationship. Have some sensitivity.
Neither of you is going to be available on tap, so it’s important that you reduce anxiety by talking about when it’s a good time to chat and when it’s not a good time to chat.
Keep Yourself In Check
It’s really easy to forgo all other aspects of your life because you want to talk to them so much, but eventually this can take its toll, especially if you find yourself playing online Scrabble until 4am even though you have to be on the train to work at 6am!
8. Make Sure You Both Have Virtual Space
It says they’re online, but they’re not replying to you. What could this mean?
The problem with long distance relationships is that everything happens online. This can cause frustrations when you know they’re active online but not replying to you. What are they up to? Why aren’t they replying? Are they ghosting you? Talking to someone else?
Before you let your imagination run away with you, it’s important to remember that, just as you and your ex-partners did separate things in real life, so you and your long-distance partner will do separate things online.
This really is an invaluable piece of long distance relationship advice. Respect the fact that you are not their only concern online. You’re a big concern, but not their only one.
Similarly, it would be very unhealthy if you put them at the center of your online universe. Make sure you carry on as you were doing.
Don’t devote your entire online time to them. It could turn this relationship into an obsession, which may turn out to be its undoing.
9. Treat It As A Normal Relationship
Of course, there are differences between a long distance relationship and a “normal” one, but it’s important that you largely treat it as though it’s the same. That’s probably one of my biggest pieces of long distance relationship advice.
What I mean by this is that you should always find new things to talk about. There will be lulls in your conversation, but this happens in all relationships. Don’t get frightened by it. Just come up with new topics and avenues.
Also, you shouldn’t shy away from asking the tough questions. They might live in another country, but you can still ask them the type of uncomfortable questions that you would ask any other partner.
You should be able to talk about everything.
10. Ask Yourself How Much They Really Mean To You
Some people just enjoy the attention they get from people online. It’s a lot different from the attention we get in real life.
So how do we know we really like this person online, or if we’re just enjoying the attention during a somewhat lonely or disillusioned period in our life? Take some time to ask yourself some difficult questions. Do you like the idea of being in a relationship, but are scared of fully committing? Are you avoiding creating connections with people in real life to protect yourself? Or, did you just happen to fall in love with someone who lives far, far away (at least for the moment)?
How To Know What’s Right
It’s not always easy to make the distinction. But a rule of thumb when it comes to long distance relationship advice is to learn how to live without them for a while.
How does it make you feel?
Do you feel as though you need them?
Or do you feel as though you want them?
Often, it’s when we want someone that we know we’re actually falling in love.
When you need someone online, it usually means there is a hole in your life that is being conveniently filled by someone who you can just switch on and off whenever you want.
If things are going badly in real life, you can turn to your online friend/partner for some company. When things are going well in the real world, you suddenly don’t need them.
But when you want someone – because you love them – you want them no matter what’s happening in other areas of your life.
11. Make Time To Flirt
You are busy, your partner is busy, we all have busy lives. I get it. But, keeping your relationship fresh and fun means making an effort to flirt with your partner. There are many, many ways to excel at long distance text flirting. For example:
Use nick names: Do you have a pet name for your partner? If not, now is the time to create one. It can be based off their appearance, where they are from, hobbies, an inside joke…just about anything that makes you both smile.
Show appreciation: Did they send you a random care package that totally made your day? Instead of firing off a thank you text, find some good lighting and give them a video call. Show them how happy their thoughtful present made you.
Tell them specifically what turns you on about them: Sending flirty text for long distance relationships is all about digging deep to keep coming up with fresh, new flirty material. So, instead of sending something generic such as “you are so beautiful, or handsome”, get specific. Do they have a way of kissing you that makes you weak in the knees? Is waking up in their arms heaven? Is the smell of their skin to die for? Let them know.
12. Focus On The Positive
Just about any relationship expert will tell you that needy is never sexy. Why? Because when you’re needy, you make your partner responsible for your happiness. Don’t be an added burden. Instead, spin your texts to show your partner that your life still goes on, but it’s just not quite as good without them: For example:
“Went to our favorite spin class this morning. You know what? it’s way more fun when you’re there.”
Hopefully you found my long distance relationship advice helpful. Good luck!