Should I text him? Should I not text him? When should I text him? I stopped texting him and haven’t heard from him, should I text him again? The questions are literally endless!

Urghhhhh the idea that men are the ‘simpler’ gender is a complete myth. They are just as susceptible to whims and fancies as women are, and that’s why they tend to cause so much trouble for us.

When things stall and you start second guessing yourself while navigating the tricky dating waters, it’s time to get your hands on some specialist equipment to answer these questions.

So, next time you find yourself sitting there staring at your phone with your thumbs hovering over the keyboard wondering whether to send that risky text or not, stop.

Take a breath, put yourself in his shoes, and run through this checklist of dos and don’ts before you do anything you might regret.

When Should I Text Him?

The answer to this question is buried under many factors and most of them are to do with the current context: how you are feeling, and how has the conversation been flowing so far.

So, go ahead and text him if…

He just texted you

He’s just sent you a cute little message, asked you a question or just texted to say hey.

Should I text him back?

Of course you should text him back!

The whole idea of playing it cool and letting him sweat it out is an outdated notion that only worked when people had to make a real effort to communicate. Now, you have instant communication at your fingertips. If you don’t reply for two days, it’s going to be obvious that you are playing a game. Just make sure you take your time and text something original and not a negative rant.

You have something interesting to say

If you’ve just seen or heard something hilarious (maybe one of your inside jokes) then it’s a no brainer. You should definitely text him. Every opportunity you have to show him what an interesting and diverse person you are should be grasped with both hands. But remember to distinguish between what YOU find interesting and what IS interesting – If you have the chance to throw a curve ball into the mix then go for it!

You’re feeling happy

If you have reached that delicious point where you are feeling happy and contented with the relationship and your life in general, then it’s perfectly acceptable for you to share your positivity with your special guy. How? Compliments go a long way, and men appreciate them as much as women do. Let him know the positive effect that he has had on your life.

“Aced my presentation this morning thanks to your all your professional help last weekend…you’re the best!”

You’re feeling excited

The day has finally come! You’re going to that concert with your best group of girlfriends that you’ve been waiting months and months for. As you find your seat and sip your overpriced beer waiting for the stage lights to blind you, you feel the excitement begin to build in your stomach and think ‘should I text him?

Yes, definitely!

Sharing positive emotions is a great way to build a connection with someone. Also, the fact that you are doing something exciting and different will represent you in a very positive light. It shows him that you are looking for fun and adventure. It shows him that you are outgoing and sociable. All of which are qualities that will make him like you more.

Should I Text Him If…

Now we’re going to take a gander at the flip side of the coin. Meaning, put your cell phone away if you can reply yes to any one of these statements.

I’ve been drinking

You’re out with your girlfriends on Friday night, and you think about him halfway through your fourth mojito. Should I text him?

No! Definitely not.

NOTHING good comes from drunk texts. While alcohol’s uncanny ability to loosen your inhibitions helps with your drunken desire to shake your booty like Beyonce in a club, it does not lend itself to composing a good flirty text. You will say things that sober you would cringe at – just avoid it all together.

I’m sad

Sadness is one step away from neediness, and your new lover is NOT the person to go to with your insecurities (not yet, anyway). If you are feeling really low, then you need to turn to someone that can give you the support and the loving attention that you are after. Go to someone you know and trust – your best friend, sister, parents… By asking him to comfort you, you could be putting pressure on him, pressure that he is not yet ready to deal with.

I’m Angry

Never have an argument over text! The meaning of things can easily be misconstrued and you’ll find yourself feeling even more wound up than you did to begin with. Anger has a very similar effect to alcohol. When you feel that pulse racing, simmering anger, your body almost goes into shock. The intense emotions that you will be feeling can result in you saying some things that you will definitely regret. If you really need to talk to him when you are feeling angry, then send him a text and ask him to meet up.

You’re feeling lonely

If you’re feeling lonely and needy it may be tempting to send him a text to try and get some attention. But is this the kind of attention that you really want? You should be contacting him because you want to not because you feel like you need to. If you’re feeling a bit down and lonely, call a girlfriend, go out for dinner or visit some family – get some attention sans judgement.

I sent the last message

If you send the last message, then don’t send the next one. Give him some time to reply. If you continue to badger him it’s going to go one of two ways.

1. He’ll think you’re being too clingy and needy and this will turn him off.
2. He’ll think that he has power over you and doesn’t need to try as hard. Neither of these things are what you want to happen, so don’t be a “nervous texter”.

Texting is always going to be a minefield. Every situation is slightly different, as is every person. You’re not going to get it right every time, and a big night out might result in some serious damage control in the morning.

Remember, dating and flirting should be fun, not stressful – let your natural feelings guide your choices.

Negative feelings such as anger, neediness or sadness should throw huge warning signals up, telling you to avoid texting that guy.

Finding yourself in a positive situation where you are feeling happy and excited should be considered a green light to spread some of that joy and make his day. Keeping these things in mind will mean that the question of ‘should I text him?’ will never haunt you again.


Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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    1. Hello,
      I don’t quite grasp your question “…and I see him every week and he has hone cold”. However, in general, I would be extremely careful about texting a teacher…because he is your teacher, not your friend and not your boyfriend. He could lose his job or go to jail (or both) if the text exchange was deemed inappropriate. Don’t play with fire.

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