I remember the first time I came away from an inspiring and exciting text conversation. I was pleased as punch because I assumed that it was ME who was responsible for such a swashbuckling convo where the ebb and flow was as strong as the cosmos. But when I flicked through the conversation log the next day, I realized that it was actually MY PARTNER who had made it so thrilling. He was the one with texting game, not me.
So I began to learn from his methods.
I started to think about what makes a great texter. I mulled over the techniques and weapons that he used to engage me and sustain my interest so much that I was thinking about him and the conversation wayyyy after it was over.
I learned that it’s both an art and a science.
And I also learned that it isn’t easy!!!
It is, however, super important that all of us learn how to make our text conversations count if we’re to get exactly what we want.
Especially if you’re trying to impress a new person in your life, your texting game is your best weapon. You’ll certainly be texting them more than you’ll be speaking to them in real life (even if you live in the same town), so you need to dazzle them with your words and keep them wanting more. Your text conversation needs to leave them breathless. OK, maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but it should at least be good enough to force them go back and re-read the conversation a few times (a few hundred times).
6 Ways To Up Your Texting Game
Let’s take a look at a few ways to up your texting game and make your texts count.
1. Get Them Talking About Themselves
I love to talk about myself. I admit it. It’s fun. I like to tell people anecdotes about my life and toot my own horn.
Why? The same reason we all like to talk about ourselves. Because it makes us feel good.
In fact, talking about ourselves makes us feel so good that it’s almost akin to the total pleasure we experience when we devour a delicious meal on an empty stomach.
Or even when we get paid at the end of the month.
So what this means is that if you love to talk about yourself?
It means that they do too! Which means you should get them to talk about themselves without turning it into a job interview or a police interrogation.
Asking them open ended questions will make them open up, be more responsive, and you will develop a certain level of intimacy (yes it’s possible to develop intimacy via text).
A good tip for getting someone to talk about themselves is to ask open-ended questions. Here are a few examples of open-ended questions that encourage someone to share more about their experiences, thoughts and feelings:
- “What are some of your favorite hobbies or interests?”
- “Tell me about something exciting that happened recently.”
- “What are your thoughts on [a relevant topic]?”
- “How do you usually spend your weekends?”
- “What dreams do you have for the future?”
2. Make Them Feel Good
One thing I realized as I dissected the plethora of conversations that left me wanting more was that the other person had deliberately made me feel good. Moreover, they had left me feeling important, as though my opinions really mattered. Folks, that is GOOD texting game!
The result was that I exited the conversation with a big smile on my face and with serotonin flooding my brain. I was addicted to this conversation.
There are many ways you can make your partner feel good. You can use their name, remember specific things they have told you, surprise them with something you know they like (like a Romantic Bedtime Story) or just show them that you are invested by practicing active listening.
So what does active listening mean in a text convo? It means not cutting them off when they are telling a story, but rather responding with phrases like “I see,” “That’s interesting,” or “Tell me more” when appropriate.
3. Sincere Compliments
Which brings me to the next tip: You can also win them over by giving honest compliments. This immediately disarms them and makes them feel comfortable. It’s a classic ice-breaker that never fails. The key, of course, is to be honest. Don’t say anything that sounds ridiculous and unbelievable….and of course, don’t over do it!
One of the secrets to sincere compliments is being specific. For example, instead of saying “You’re great,” you could say “I really admire how you handled that difficult situation with such calmness and grace.”
And this should go without saying, but time your compliments well. If you feel like they are in a hurry to end the convo, or they are obviously not engaged, don’t drag it out with a compliment.
4. Ask For Their Advice
Another winning piece of advice? Ask for THEIR advice. For example, maybe you’re got a personal dilemma you just can’t solve, or maybe you’re not sure about the opening paragraph of your MBA admissions essay. Sharing these problems with them gives them a massive sense of importance.
So, how can you do it? Start by showing appreciation for their expertise/opinion with something like: “I really value your opinion, and I could use your advice on something.” or “Given your excellent sense of style, I wanted to get your thoughts on which outfit to wear for an upcoming corporate event.”
5. Emphasize What You Have In Common
They say that birds of a feather flock together, and this is true in both real life and in texting. So if you want to improve your texting game, you need to play off your commonalities.
You’re far more likely to retain their interest if you talk about things you have in common than if you wander far from the horizon and take them into uncharted territory where they feel as though they’re stranded on a remote island with a total stranger. Even if you can quilt like no other, explaining where to find the best fabric and all the latest knitting techniques to a 25 year old guy at 10:30 on a Wednesday night is not going to score you any points in the seduction department.
Build a connection by keeping the conversation focused on things you both know and love.
If you both like a particular type of music, talk about it.
If you both like to cook, talk about it.
But don’t keep asking questions about the subject. Add anecdotes, talk about your experiences and theirs.
You could also share interesting videos, articles and other tidbits. And, for the grand finale, set up a date where you can actually do one of your favorite activities together, such as a spinning marathon, a stop at the farmers market, an early morning hike or a photography class.
6. Be Unpredictable
You don’t want to be so unpredictable that the other person ends up confused. I’m not saying that you should randomly jump from discussing veganism to talking about your family’s hereditary hair follicle issue (not sexy). Of course the chain of topics has to be logically linked.
But you can still be unpredictable.
What I mean by this is that you should try hard to not be boring. Show them that you’re someone who thinks outside the box and has unique and fascinating things to say.
Pepper your text with inspiring facts or thoughts.
Tell them you’ve spontaneously headed off on a trip somewhere.
Don’t be conventional.
Leave them wanting more.
The more unpredictable you are, the more addicted to your conversations they will become, your texting game will thank you for it!