The talking stage of a new relationship can be tricky, regardless of whether it’s with a girl you met online, or in real life. When you’re just starting to get to know someone, it can be hard to tell if you’re coming on too strong, or not coming on strong enough! Add the intricacies and ambiguities of texting to the mix, and the whole situation gets even more complicated!

Have you ever struggled with the question “should I send the text yes or no”? Yes? Well, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve rounded up some common dating scenarios, and we’re here to give you some expert guidance. Ready to dive in on whether you should whip out your cell phone and message her, and what you should say?

The 3 Day Rule

At this point, everybody’s heard of the infamous 3 Day Rule. In short, the 3 Day Rule states that you should wait three days after meeting a girl to text her. Here’s where things get tricky. Depending on where you met this girl, our advice about whether or not to follow the 3 Day Rule varies!

Let’s say you’re swiping through Tinder or Hinge and match with a gorgeous woman. She’s the full package – charming, funny, intelligent and a great personality. Should you wait three days before sending her the first message? Absolutely not! With dating apps, speed and efficiency are the name of the game. Everyone on the app is there for the express purpose of finding a relationship. Sure, some only want to hookup, but others are after a long-term partnership. If you matched on a dating app, throw the 3 Day Rule out the window and message quickly.

However, our advice changes if you meet someone in real life. Let’s say you snagged the phone number of an equally incredible woman at a bar or coffee shop. In this scenario, we think you should play it cool and wait at least a few hours before texting her. Because you didn’t meet in an environment specifically engineered for dating, like a dating app, it’s better to wait a bit (definitely not 3 days) before sending that first text. Use common sense – during your brief encounter did you discuss any specific upcoming events you were planning on attending together? Did she mention she was busy/traveling or did she give you the impression that she would be free?

Followup Texts

Now, let’s say that you sent that first text. You wait a few minutes, then a few hours, and before you know it, it’s been a full day, and she hasn’t responded. Do you send a followup text?

If a girl doesn’t respond to your first text, the worst thing you can do is spam her with followup text after followup text. This is a surefire way to come across as too eager, too pushy, and too insistent. It might even get you blocked! We advise that you wait a few days, then send one friendly, open-ended followup text. This way, the ball’s in her court. Maybe her phone was on Do Not Disturb mode, and she genuinely didn’t get your message. Maybe she’s having a super busy week at work, and forgot to text you back. Now, after you’ve sent a followup text a few days later, she has an opportunity to respond!

However, if you send her a followup text a few days later and she STILL doesn’t respond, take that as the hint it is and drop it. If a woman is this reluctant to respond to your texts, she’s definitely not interested.

Woman Texts First

Decades ago, the onus used to be on the man to start every conversation in a new relationship. Nowadays, it’s becoming much more common for women to take charge, sending first texts and asking men out. Let’s say that you’re in a situation where a woman has made the first move on you. Do you respond right away, or play hard to get? Again, you never want to seem too eager, but on the flip side, it’s also a mistake to seem too distant or aloof.

In this scenario, we advise you to gauge the vibes between the two of you and respond accordingly. If you really feel a conversational spark, we think there’s nothing wrong with responding immediately. Being able to banter back and forth over text is a great indicator of a strong relationship to come. So, if you feel the energy’s there, we encourage you to quickly text her back.

However, if you’re worried about coming on too strong, it’s also OK to wait a little bit before responding to her text. That being said, we wouldn’t recommend waiting more than half a day to respond to her first text message. If you’re really interested in her, it’s important to respect her time and the risk she’s taking by texting you first. Taking over a day signals that you’re not really invested in seeing where this relationship goes, and it’ll probably fizzle out before anything even happens.

Should I Send The Text Yes Or No – Or Should I Ghost?

Let’s say you’ve gone on one, two, or even three dates with a woman, and the spark just isn’t there. Maybe the two of you are looking for different things in a relationship, or your schedules aren’t super compatible, or maybe it just turns out that your personalities don’t mesh well. Do you ghost, or do you send her a text to let her know that you’re not really interested in continuing to see each other?

Again, our answer to this question is vibes-based. If you’ve only gone on one date, and it’s painfully obvious that neither of you are interested in each other, we actually think it’s OK to mutually ghost. In this scenario, it might even be better to let the relationship fizzle out instead of sending an awkward “This isn’t working” text when it’s already abundantly clear that there’s no spark.

Be Respectful If There Was An Obvious Connection On Their Part

However, if you’ve gone on two or more dates, the respectful thing to do is to send her a text and let her know that it’s not working out. It doesn’t have to be a super long or elaborate text, but just a quick message to let her know that you enjoyed the time you spent together, but you don’t think the two of you are right for a relationship moving forward.

No matter how many dates you’ve been on, if she asks to see you again, but you’re not interested, we advise that you man up and send her a text letting her know. Ghosting someone who’s interested in you is super rude and inconsiderate, and she at least deserves a text that lets her down easy. And if you have a sneaky suspicion that the person is out to play the field and play with your heart? How to respond to a player while still staying classy? My best advice is to keep it short, be firm and know your worth.

Final Thoughts: Should I Send The Text Yes Or No?

At the beginning of a new relationship, texting can seem like an emotional minefield. It’s super difficult to know whether you should text, let alone how quickly you should respond and what you should say. Hopefully, these tips help you navigate some tricky early relationship texting scenarios. Texting early on in a relationship can seem difficult, but at the end of the day, it’s most important to trust your gut and read the vibes between the two of you. If you follow these tips, plus your own intuition, you can’t go wrong!

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Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.
Learn more about French Seduction Made Easy.

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