Falling in love with your best friend is one of the most natural things in the world. You spend so much time with this person that you end up knowing all their quirky little habits. They’re that special someone that you can actually be YOU around…the real you.
So if it’s so natural, why is falling in love with your best friend so easy to do, but so hard to deal with? Why is it so difficult to pluck up the courage and tell your friend that you want to be less matey and more “datey”?
Because, the stakes are much higher.
You’re not only worried about how you’ll feel if you’re rejected, but also about something even worse – losing their precious friendship.
Luckily, there are certain tactics you can use to scope out if they might like you as well, minimizing your chances of being rejected, and maximizing your chances of a fabulous love affair.
Step 1: Get Private
Do you spend most of your time together with others in the group? Try to get some alone time with him or her, to suss out if there is any flirty energy there when you are alone in private.
For example, if you’re touching each other a lot for no particular reason and holding each other’s stare a little too long, you just might have something going on. Verdict? Green light to move on to step 2.
Step 2: Get Slightly Suggestive
If you’ve always kept things fairly PG until now, it might be time to ramp things up… conversationally. Slip small flirty suggestions into conversations and text messages and see how they respond. If they ignore them, or respond negatively, cool things down – that’s their way of telling you “thanks, but no thanks”.
On the other hand, if they build on it, they may be open to something more. Remember to keep it to fairly low key flirting though, if you go over the top, they might just think it’s a joke.
Step 3: Get An Outside Opinion
If you think you’ve got great chemistry and you’re about to let them know how you feel, take a step back and ask for someone else’s opinion. Sometimes you’re too involved in the situation and start seeing things that aren’t there, just because you really want them to be there. Approach a mutual friend in your group, that you trust, and ask their opinion.
Step 4: Go For It
If you’ve done everything you can to establish whether your friend likes you back, it’s time to go for it.
Take a deep breath, and tell them how you feel. Let them know that there is no pressure on them to feel the same; it was just something you wanted to tell them. Whatever you do, make sure your say it, don’t do it. Although a huge gesture like a midnight kiss might seem romantic, it can also be ambiguous, especially if either of you have been drinking or you don’t talk about it after. As this is your friend, be clear about why you’re telling them how you feel, or they might be unsure of how to respond – there’s nothing worse then getting your wires crossed over something as important as this.
Unfortunately, no matter how much work you’ve put into it, and how strong your feelings are for your friend, sometimes love will always be unrequited. If this is the case, put it behind you – you can’t make someone fall in love with you (Trust Bonnie Raitt on this one). Respect their feelings, and value their friendship, sometimes it lasts a lot longer than love.