Texting is so powerful and emotionally consuming that even if you rarely see your partner, you can still develop very strong feelings for them based on your text exchange alone. Texting provides a potent means of communication for partners temporarily living apart, and it keeps busy couples connected. Normally, masterful texting is a good thing.
Pass Me The Band-Aids
Normally, that is, unless you are dealing with someone who follows no rules, and plays to win: the dreaded player. Unfortunately, players are frequently hard to spot, even if you do all your normal “red flag” research. Sometimes it is only after you have participated in a mesmerizing text exchange that you suddenly realize that you’ve been “played” by someone with the sensitivity level of a kindergartener. By then it’s too late, and the aftermath can be brutal – you can really suffer.
I have been there many times before, and it is the equivalent of a junior high school heartache on steroids. It hurts. Luckily, I’ve found a few excellent ways to relieve the pain, and actually benefit from the experience.
Read on for some tips and tricks to help you deal with the pain and the hurt following an intense text relationship with someone you should have deleted from your contact list long ago.
1. Delete, Delete, Delete
Erase all previous texts from your phone. This is probably pretty obvious for everyone. However, in order to benefit from your bad experience, then you should do one thing first. Write down all of their texts in a trusty notebook for later use. Obviously, the texts are good; they made you fall hard…don’t let them go to waste just because they hurt you.
2. Keep The Proof
If you have sent flirty/sexy photos to your partner and they have sent you flirty/sexy photos in return, DON’T delete the photos they sent you. Email them to yourself, and keep them stocked away. These photos are your safety net if he/she ever decides somewhere down the road to “leak” photos of you.
3. Wipe Out Their Number
I realize that this is easier said than done. You can cheat and write their number down somewhere if it makes you feel better. Or, if you trust yourself not to drunk dial, keep it on your phone, but make sure to change their contact name to something funny/insulting so if they do message or call you, you can have a cheap laugh.
4. Get Negative
Focus on their most negative trait, or something mean that they did or said during your relationship. Every time you find yourself missing them, or nostalgically thinking of your relationship, think back to how awful they made you feel, and how unhappy you were. Find the faults in even the “nice things” they did for you.
5. See It In Writing
Make a list of their good qualities, and their bad qualities. Be honest. You will probably be very surprised by the results.
Probably the worst thing about players is when they aren’t playing you, they are really fun to be around… which makes getting over them especially hard. Keep reading for three more tips on how to move on.
6. Focus On You. Stop Thinking About Them
Players are selfish people, and do a great job thinking about themselves already. Start thinking about, and investing in, your own happiness. Realize that even if they brought you temporary pain and misery, they also made you a better texter. As a bonus, if you follow my advice from point 1, then this player has provided you with a treasure chest of messages and ideas. Be excited; you’ll soon be able to use all this good stuff with someone who truly deserves you.
7. Get Mad And/Or Get Physical
Listen to music that makes you shout. Write about your feelings. Play an instrument. Hit the gym for half a day, or even the entire day, if it makes you feel better. Find something that allows you to express your anger in a safe, constructive way.
8. Forgive Them
Holding on to anger and negative thoughts will only hurt you in the long run. Make sure that you have a clear plan on how you will interact with this person in the future. Be prepared. Players are sneaky and manipulative, and you don’t want them to keep controlling your emotions after you’ve broken the relationship off.
Ending a relationship, even a sick one that needs to be ended, can feel like taking off a Band-Aid: it stings like mad them moment you rip it off, but it’s a necessary step in order for the wound to heal.
Remember that you are special. The person didn’t appreciate you, and probably never would. Unfulfilling and unhappy relationships are a waste of your precious time on this earth. So, get mad, cry, vent, and then forgive and forget.
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