A narcissist can range from the selfie-taking, social media fiend who can’t get enough of themselves – right through to people who hide their pain behind an idealized self-image to mask their enormous lack of self-confidence.
Whichever one they are, most narcissists are extremely charismatic people who will put in every effort to attract the attention of someone they find worthy of their love. And when they succeed, they relish in tearing them down, peg by peg.
But not all relationships with narcissist are doomed to failure. If you can keep their egotism in check, they might turn out to be great people (behind their 1001 selfies).
So how can you tell if that new catch your texting is one? And just as importantly, how should you deal with a narcissist by text?
1. The Conversation Hoarder
You’re texts are all one-sided – no matter how many questions you ask, they will never return the gesture.
Whether it’s their great looks, their charm, their intelligence or their sporting prowess, a narcissist will continue to talk about their favorite aspect of themselves while you have to willingly sit by and stroke their ego.
How to cope
When you’re finally sick of feeling like your narcissists’ “mirror mirror on the wall”, it’s time to take a stand.
Let them know you’re aware of how great they are, but try to turn the conversation around to you for once – be obvious if you have to!
“Sooo happy you smashed that game of tennis babe, you know you’re a champion. Do you want to hear about how amazing my morning was?”
This forces them to ask, and if you can keep them on topic for more than three texts, you’ve succeeded for now.
2. The Chronic Interrupter
You’re texting about something important to you, looking for a bit of solidarity and support from your special someone – and suddenly the tables have turned. You’re needs have been completely ignored in order to talk about – you guessed it – them!
How to cope
You need to assert yourself in this situation. If this relationship has any hope of going any further, you have to be able to rely on them in times of need.
“Is it ok if we put you aside for a second, this is actually quite important to me”.
Don’t hesitate to sound a bit harsh here – if they can’t come around on this point then you might not have much hope.
3. The Selfie Fiend
You love seeing your new lovers face – but not every hour! If you’re texting a selfie obsessed narcissist, you’ll soon find your inbox stuffed full of them – literally. Narcissists are constantly craving reassurance that they are as great as they think they are.
How to cope
Reassure them – but don’t feed their desire for endless compliments.
“You look gorgeous – as usual – but I like you more for you brain”
How to deal with a narcissist in this situation? Get them to focus on something other then their looks, and maybe they will start to value themselves as a whole person.
4. The Boundary Breaker
You’ve asked them not to text you over the weekend because you’re spending quality time with your parents. Next thing you know, there they are, in your inbox, demanding your undivided attention!
Narcissists show a wanton disregard for others thoughts, feelings, possessions and desires – and the earliest warning sign is in text messages. They demand your attention when you don’t have the time, sulk when you don’t answer right away, and text late at night or early in the morning without thinking about whether you’re awake or not.
How to cope
This habit needs to be nipped in the bud early. The first time your personal boundaries are broken is the hardest, each time after that it will get easier for them to disregard your needs.
“I know you’d like to talk, but I told you that I was busy this weekend. If you can’t respect my boundaries over text, how can I trust you in person?”
Make them think about the bigger repercussions of the boundaries they are breaking.
Catching a narcissist in your inbox is the best way to find out early if you’re dating one. There are ways to cope with it early on and hopefully keep their narcissism at a low level. But remember – as soon as they make you feel uncomfortable, try to manipulate you, or start pushing you down to build themselves up, it’s time to let go. And that my friend is how to deal with a narcissist by text!