The first “should I text her” scenario involves meeting a girl for the first time. You got chatting at the bar, she seemed cool and into you, and eventually you swapped numbers.
Result! Hard part done, right?
Not exactly. Okay, so you managed to build enough courage and confidence to ask for her number. You got over that particular hurdle. But there’s still a long way to go, champion.
There’s still a chance to mess this up by texting her too soon. She literally hasn’t even left the bar and you wanna know everything about her.
Five minutes later and you’ve already sent a follow-up text. STOP!
The second scenario involves a girl you’ve been texting for a couple of days or longer. You’ve been getting friendly, even doing a bit of flirting. Things have been going really well. Then, totally out of the blue, she stopped texting.
Man, that’s rough. But it happens. The dilemma you now face is: “Should I text her?”
It’s a big question, and you don’t wanna mess this one up, especially if you really like her.
There’s also a third scenario I’ll cover briefly – the morning-after text. You’ve hooked up, had some fun, but now it’s the next day. What happens next? Do you text or leave it at that?
Texting Power Plays
Look, texting is nothing like a game of chess. It’s not that complicated. That being said there are power-plays involved. There are mistakes you can make and traps you can fall into.
When texting a girl, there’s a fine line between being over-excited and being too distant, and it’s easy to appear as either.
Getting yourself into the middle – what we call the “cool zone” – where you’re neither hot nor cold, isn’t easy, but in this article I’m going to show how you can do just that by texting her at the right time.
Should I text her? Let’s take a look at when you should and should not:
What Happened In The Past?
When it comes to texting, just like when it comes to anything in life, you should use your past references to help you make a decision here.
A lot of guys have told me that a girl was scared off because they came across as too eager.
You’ve been there, right? There has probably been that one girl who you texted too much, and who eventually went cold as a result.
Learn From Your Mistakes
Now is the time to look back on your past experiences and remind yourself of where you went wrong. Have you been in a position like this in the past? How did you handle it? How did she react when you texted her? Did she feel like you were coming on too strong?
If you’ve texted too soon in the past and a girl got scared and ran, you should use that experience to your advantage. Sure, all girls are different, but when it comes to texting, the same rules tend to apply.
If you’ve left it the same amount of time before texting as last time and are ready to text, wait. Remember what happened last time. It was too soon.
“But this is a different girl!” you protest.
It doesn’t matter. All girls know when a guy is coming on too strong. If waiting another hour didn’t work last time, it won’t work this time. Wait longer.
“Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results”
– Albert Einstein
(And, by the way, we have reason to believe that Einstein was a hit with the ladies)
Where Did You Meet?
Where the two of you met has a say in how soon you text her.
Let’s say that you guys met on Tinder. Does the three-day rule apply? (Basically, this means that you wait three days before texting her.)
Absolutely not! Anyone on Tinder is in a hurry. It’s instant dating, or dates on tap. You snooze, you lose. If you met her on Tinder, my advice is that you strike up a conversation as soon as possible. Why wait? If you wait too long, some other Romeo is going to come along and take her off your hands.
If, on the other hand, you met her in a bar on a night out, there’s a bit more wiggle room. Easy, Tiger – you don’t want to text her too soon, just in case you come across as desperate and overly eager.
Sure, she probably enjoyed chatting to you and gave you her number with enthusiasm. But you have to remember that she probably wasn’t actively looking to meet a guy that night. As such, she might think you’re coming on too strong if you text her too quickly.
It’s not as though she was on a dating site looking for you – you guys just happened to meet and hit it off. You don’t know her story. For all you know, she’s just come out of a bad relationship and wants to play it cool for a while. So, what do you do? You play it cool, too!
“But what if she meets another guy that night and he texts her before I do?”
Two guys in one night? She must be some girl!
Be realistic about this. Don’t let your imagination get the better of you. And even if she did meet another guy, so what? You’re not in any race. Neither are there any expectations or obligations. You’re cool, she’s cool. Keep things cool.
How Well Do You Know Her?
How well you know a girl also plays a role in determining when you should text her.
Let’s say she’s a friend you’ve had a crush on for a while, but for whatever reasons (maybe she had a boyfriend), she’s never reciprocated. All of a sudden, she’s giving you the come-on and you think you’ve got a chance. Should I text her you ask?
My advice? Strike with blinding speed.
If you already know her, text her as soon as you’ve got something to say. There really is no need to wait. If she’s a long-term crush who is now single, ask her out if it feels right.
Maybe you met up with her at a party and got closer than you’ve been before. You could easily text her that night when you get home and it would be totally fine. She’d really love that, as a matter of fact.
When it comes to strangers, the rules are a bit different. The rough rule of thumb is to establish a contact, be honest and upfront and let her know that you’re interested.
Should I Text Her? What Do You Stand To Gain From Texting Her?
One of my well-worn tactics is to always let my partner text last. This might sound like a game, but I find that it really works.
Worst of all, it’s on her to start a new conversation the next day. What if she doesn’t text the next day? What if she literally hasn’t replied to your last text from the night before? Do you send another text and look even more eager?
That sounds like a nightmare! And it’s why if it’s getting late, let her text last. It means when you text the next day, you don’t look desperate. You’re just replying to her last text!
“It’s The Morning After. Should I Text Her?”
Ah, the morning-after text. You met a girl, you hooked up, and had some fun. Now, you’re back home, she’s back home, and you’re moving on with life. But you kinda liked her. You kinda think you’d like to get to know her some more. However, you’re not too sure what she feels about you or the situation.
Was she just after some fun?
Does she even like you, or did you just fill up some time?
Is it appropriate to text her, or would that be wasting her time and going against all one-night-stand etiquette?
What Types Of Vibes Are You Getting?
This all depends on how you feel and the vibes you got form her. If you spent the night at her place and she literally couldn’t wait to kick you out the next day, there’s probably no point texting. You both got what you wanted, and now it’s time to move on.
If, however, you detected some warmth from her in the morning and felt like she actually genuinely would like to get to know you more, then, sure, you should text her.
Just be careful not to suffocate her with 500 zero value added text messages, or you’ll ruin you chances of getting to know her better. Take your time to craft your messages and make every text count.
Still asking: “Should I text her?” write a comment below!